Practicing with a Sling and a Stone

the middle ground less taken.

2010-10-20T00:50:00.002+08:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/richard_dawkins_on_our_queer_universe.html

just saw the video and comments on the above link, and it is indeed very thought provoking. and saddening. saddening because people tend to like to put up their old favourite dart boards and take pot shots at "the other side". saddening that religion in europe and america has been relegated to be seen dogmatic and senseless, thoughtless and brainless. saddening that the same people who ask for humility from theists to consider the evidence for atheism don't apply the same humility to themselves. saddening to see that christians walk straight into the dogmatic mode that has created such a public perception of the faith. saddening to see that atheists refuse to consider the position of a christian and the reasonability of it. sad, and perhaps, i might be expecting too much from a world of imperfect humans trying to grapple with a theory of existence that extends beyond what the human mind is wired to consider.

the juxtaposition of faith and reason is one that holds much middle ground, yet, ironically, the middle ground is the ground least trodden. and rightly so, for it takes a great mind to hold the tensions apart yet in tandem, and perhaps this middle ground is where the truth lies. what is a faith that deals solely with the after life and supernatural? what is a faith that deals with salvation as a monetary transaction? what is a faith that is unchanging, unmoving with the times? some forms of christianity, unfortunately, but only some forms, blessedly.

it is easy to take the bible literally as the whole literal truth. it is easy to take reason and science as the perfect antecedent. yet, if faith is to believe in the unknowable because of what is known, then the christian has much to consider and grapple with in the bible. if reason and science is to know what is, then there should also be a humility to ponder what if.

a theist and an atheist are diametrically opposite, and it will be impossible to reasonably ask any of them to cross over, because it is "natural". rather, we must consider the reasons for the existence of the position in the first place, and seek to see the reason for it. it is partially historic. it is partially sociological. it is partially philosophical. it is partially scientific. it is partially experiential. it is partially a matter of faith. and this applies to both sides.

as a christian, the side that i think we must constantly watch out for, is to see how the bible is still relevant and consistent. there is a reality there that is for us to grasp. and if it were found to reliable in some things, then perhaps, there will be more reason to trust it in the things that are not knowable now.

as a thinking person, it is important to not extrapolate the detail to become the metanarrative, and it is similarly important to not minimize the metanarrative into every single detail. there is room for observation, empirical evidence. it is also important to understand that, reason as a means of access to the whole universe, is also an article of faith. and faith is reasonable.

question is, are we making the effort to see how our particular faith is still reasonable?

C. S. Lewis once said that in the past, God was the judge and all men approached Him in fear. in the modern day, Man has become judge, and God is in the defendant's stand. sadly, it seems that many of the modern day judges give a verdict before the accused has a chance to present His case. Let the christian jury also not make the same mistake of passing a "not guilty" judgement before considering evidence.

many thinkers considered evidence and passed a guilty verdict on the religion. i believe my God is big enough, and true enough, for me to also consider the evidence, and declare Him as Lord and Saviour.

5 things a christian can learn from inception

2010-08-02T22:22:00.002+08:00

1. this world we live in does not last forever and we must all one day wake up to a "reality"
2. we need some constant thing that we know very well to remind us that this is not the final reality.
3. having a group of people to ground us in this reality, and remind us to not get stuck in a dream is important and good.
4. sometimes, the dream looks very very very very tempting. but it is still just a dream.
5. we sometimes need to descend to a deeper level in order to bring someone back up to a higher level

Inspiration is bad for sleep

2010-07-25T02:32:00.002+08:00

having belatedly finished the count of monte cristo, and listened to the sound track of les miserables (the musical) within the same day, it's left my brain buzzing with activity, such that sleep is greatly overdue, and waking time is swift approaching. the thoughts are not reflections, for reflections are like mirrors, allowing one to see the semblance of one self in the glass. no, rather, the thoughts are more like a crystal ball, a swirling ball of mist and mystery, into which one may peer, but seldom fathom.

the hands of providence and fate are indeed far reaching, and history only starts to appear with a purpose when a great mind organizes it all into a coherent narrative, only then to be critiqued and torn apart by feebler minds that base their life's work on destruction, for it is infinitely easier to destroy than to create. the disorderly of the world today falls into a familiar pattern of human struggle, folly and triumph tomorrow. great are the minds that organize and describe; just as great are the minds that organize, and create a new story for all to sing of.

having done with the 2 classics of a far more romantic era, the prevalent thought is one of awe. in awe of the capacity of the mind of the writers to contemplate, and to write. and not just to write, but with clarity, purpose, genius of plot, and beauty of language. and not just empty literature as is common in much of the post-modern literature, but that of a great message. and upon great grappling, awe of the human writers then gave way to reverence of the Almighty.

For who can comprehend the narrative that shall appear in the Book? the story of many twists and turns, defeats, setbacks, stumbles, strife, human weakness, human agency, and then to finally make sense in one final divine narrative. as Hugo and Dumas spin an epic that leaves one breathless yet in fervour, so shall God's final story leave all awestruck yet dancing. the hand that created the beginning shall write the end, and instead of a soliloquay, has invited all in a chorus of joy and hope.

at the end of it all, dumas will surely be vindicated, as in his wisdom, penned that "all human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope." we await Lord, and we hope.

Venn Diagram

2010-04-17T23:51:00.003+08:00

If Christ claims to be Lord of all, then should we deny Him even one area of creation in which, or over which, He does not reign ultimately supreme, then He has failed and has to be branded a liar, a cheat, and a whole lot of bullshit. How can one compartmentalize such broad and deep claims and say that His authority does not extend into academia? What is academia that is not guided by values and morals? Merely disinterested scientists trying to play God, isn't it? Either that, or reducing all the intricacies of the world to mere causality within a narrow perspective. What is the point of the words good/bad/beneficial/detrimental if there are to be no value labels? Cold blooded murder becomes a mere observation. Metal object hits skull and penetrates skull. Brain damage: 90%. Results in human being unable to move, breath. Hypothesis: When brain is damaged up to 90%, person dies. 100 people gassed with compound X. Result: Death for all 100. Hypothesis: Compound X is harmful. Kills people. May alternatively be used on insects.

How can one not condemn such atrocities?

A science that can applaud the "advances" and knowledge gained by such atrocities can surely see the benefit of repeating them.

A social scientist that can observe and applaud such atrocities...what will he be passing on to society? What will he be promoting?

And which fool believes that opinion is divorced from one's values? Isn't the belief in non-interference of morals in science a belief in itself? And what is the result of such a divorce?

And what do I make of someone who insists on a disinterested view divorced of all moral and value labels? Is opinion possible without value labels?

And how do i treat someone like that?

What would you do, Jesus?

In all places

2010-03-17T01:28:00.002+08:00

Of all places,
Here, in darkness,
I find a flicker
A spark.

Of all places,
In the valleys,
Runs ceaseless water
Life.

Of all places,
In the deserts,
Life fights a winning battle
To survive.

Of all places,
In the heart,
Is glory and hope so profound
Injected.

Of all places, then,
It is here,
It is now,
That everlasting's roots are found.

Therefore in all things, rejoice. And that shall be the lesson of the day.

2:26am - 2:47am

2010-03-14T02:26:00.002+08:00

Half the world is asleep,
No, not the day half and the night half.
For in the day half, there are the night shifters.
And in the night half, there are the lonely broken souls.
And then there's me.

Half the world is blind,
No, not those who can see the rainbow and those who can't.
For in the heart, there can be a rainbow,
And in the eyes, nothing but the cement underfoot.
And then there's me.

Half the world is pitiable,
No, not those who deserve our pity and those who don't.
But those who do not wake, and do not see.
That is the real tragedy.

And then, there's me.

**********************

What do you call someone who used to see but is now blind? Was seeing but now blind?
What do you call someone who used to be blind but now see?

What do you call those who used to love but now critic and hate?
Those who used to hate but now love?

What do you call someone who's still stuck in the middle of all that, and can still go either way?

What do you call me?

**********************

And who am I but a reflection of you?
Who am I but a pariah for you?
Who am I but a role model,
Who am I but a friend,
Who am I, if not you?

**********************

There is probably much to learn from public scandals. About the hypocrisy of the world, about what it should have been, what it could have been. There is also much to learn about what else is left to see, and what more must be done. It is also a lesson for the self.

Perhaps private debts are best kept private. That's where the real hurt was dealt, and that's where the real healing must begin. Everything else, why should they care? Everyone else, why should they care?

**********************

I applaud the courage of Jack Neo and admit my utmost respect for his wife. May the Lord accept their repentance and renew them in love.

It is time the world sees what a bit of sincere repentance and forgiveness can do.

And the church MUST set an example. For God's faithfulness can be shown when He leads us out of our own darkness.

**********************

Humans never learn to move beyond the instinct to protect themselves, often by hurting others. In several thousand years of civilization, why have we still not learnt? Why must we hurt others to protect our own vulnerabilities?

Can we not progress? Can we not grow?

Perhaps we are still cavemen living in our own concrete caves and jungles. And all that we learnt, is to express the hidden more eloquently, more deceptively...

**********************

The joys of being blessed only come to those who choose to be blessed. The wonders of vision only to those who seek it. The pleasures of companionship only to those who desire it.

And may be peace of God be to me, who really really really needs it.

CS2

2009-12-22T11:55:00.002+08:00

in the end, it was that which i live with everyday that dragged me behind. the false familiarity, the sweet odour, the texture and rhythm. you who had me hooked since young, you who befriended me in times when people left.

and now, yet again, it is you, who made a difference. rearing your ugly side now. how many more can i take? how many more must i take?

will i survive another triple blow?

taking it on the chin is only a test of character if the blow isn't crippling. not yet, not yet.

how ironic. even at the slipping away, in escape, i must face you...feel you...

God is in the smile on your face

2009-12-22T01:16:00.002+08:00

God put a smile on your face so that you may put a smile on mine.

So smile, for the world counts on it.

With so much going wrong, won't you just smile to put it right?

Would you please smile to right this wrong?

If there was one thing that I can do to make you smile, what is it?

What's in a smile anyway?

****************************

Results for sem 1 are coming out in...9 hours and 42 minutes time. Explains why i'm still up. ah heck.

****************************

Futility - 1000

2009-11-15T02:57:00.002+08:00

If there was only relative, then there is no wrong. Then the plight of the Girl in "The Spirits Play" was just a matter of perspective and serving a greater good at the cost of immense self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice, not of shame or honour or morals, but merely of pain, and time.

If there was a wrong, then who defined it? Who drew the boundaries? Who will rein in the forces of liberalism that continually push new boundaries? There is a balance between draconian puritanism and unlimited liberalism. Where is that line? And more importantly, who is going to draw it?

If there was only circumstance, then there is no meaning to suffering. The hurricanes and earthquakes were only unfortunate, driven on by a hollow sense of pity and sympathy. Pity for who? Sympathy for what? It was only, just because. No tragedy, no disaster. But merely wrong place, wrong time. Sorry matey, you'll do better next time.

If there was no infinite wisdom, then life is but an exercise in futility. We all live to die in this randomly created universe, with evolution decided by randomness, cosmos operating ad hoc, car crashes purely coincidental, deaths that need no explanation.

If there was only utilitarian, then it's just about you and me. What I do to you, and what you do to me. As befitting of a self-centred philosophy to begin with, it becomes it's all about me, dot com dot sg.

If there was no point to questioning, then why am I asking? And why are there people answering?

If there was no end to revolution...then what is the end must surely be the end of all man.

And then what?

All of humanity. All of civilization. It must surely be the greatest exercise in futility.

To be born only to die...

And if so...what of morality but a petty set of codes and pretty words that don't matter after all. Did you shed a tear for the chicken you had for lunch? If all there is to life is death, then all there is to death is statistic.

There is nothing without something more infinite.

Maybe I am a coward that cannot live with futility being my final resting point.

Maybe I have tasted an infinity beyond what most can grasp.

But...if relative to you, I am in anguish. If the price of utilitarian's marriage with liberalism is an abusive one. If the outcome of circumstance is statistic. If when this world ends there is nothing.

If there is an answer to all of that. If there is a balance...If there is a meaningful end...

If...

That which is unseen and yet to come, is the only thing that answers, will you give it a shot?

The battle to fight is not one of subversion. It is one of open confrontation. Not of aggression and hatred, but of perseverance, long suffering, love, patience. It is, the hardest kind of battle to fight. An infinite capacity to forgive and habilitate. Will there be a victory? This question has the same answer as the question that asks us if there is a meaningful end.

There is no point hiding behind words like moderation if it were just an euphemism for cowardice. But there is more harm than good in using a sense of righteousness as a cover for civil barbarism...There has to be a balance...

There has to be. There must be. Or else...

999

2009-08-31T14:02:00.002+08:00

999th post since this blog was started. not many people read this already, that i know. But to continue writing, I must. For what is a blog but a record of memories? And what are memories but a never ending deluge and overwhelming of the senses? Therefore, this must go on, as a record for posterity, or for a time when reflection is deemed necessary. The past is like a mirror. One that I may not have the guts to stare at, but stare at, I must.

Stronger, better, for honour, for humility. For God's glory.

The Longest Way Around

2009-08-24T23:59:00.002+08:00

A 1.5 year walk round town and the neighbourhood
A journey to the exotic Far East
A skip and a hop and a fair way more
A long long way to go.

Be delighted, be frustrated
Beleaguered with the X on the map
Be transformed, be condemned
Be always, on the way up.

Catch the musings of the 5haunts,
Cue the darkening lights
Claim the humour in a joke gone wrong
Cast your eyes upon Jesus.

Do as would a wise man do
Dabble as a child too
Dance to the rhythm of a ticking clock
Debate philosophy too

Every one of 525, 600 minutes
Every half a time more.
Every step on this long and dainty road
Every memory...

Where the good things are worth waiting for.

University and the Economy

2009-08-14T08:15:00.003+08:00

Conventional economics and common sense tell the world that a university is a costly investment on the part of either the private developer or the state, with benefits being highly uncertain and dependent upon the prevailing economic conditions. The products of the university system are worth much more in times of economic boom where they lend their consideration brain power to the upward trend, and a great hindrance in times of economic recession, due to them still demanding boom-period wages and their unwillingness to take on jobs perceived as menial and beneath their over-inflated egos. In recent years, however, the university has started to develop the capacity to generate economic activity on its own, sustained by a vibrant student population and some rather curious habits.

Two industries that have benefitted from this new phenomena are the coffee and fish industry, which we shall attempt to feature here.

Fish

Strange perhaps, that it has taken so many years for an island to catch on, but fish has finally replaced poultry as the number 1 favourite meat of university students. Indeed, fish has not only become a staple in the palette of the university student, but it has evolved into something more than a dietary preference. It is now a lifestyle. This lifestyle in turn feeds an industry on l33t demand for fish.

The study of the university effect in the fish industry cannot simply be measured by the increase in sales volume, though these statistics are startling in their own right. The flourishing of restaurant chains like Feesh and Cold reflects an increasing willingness to pay for what is readily available to the casual fisher, as well an a sharp increase in the number of people who love a Mekong catf...i mean, pacific dory on a regular basis. This sharp increase in demand has been driven by a still stranger phenomena: university students are treating one another to fish on a regular basis.

Above and beyond sales and statistics, the fish has invaded the mindset of our university students. It can be observed that fish serves to be more than just food. It has become a tool of classroom diplomacy, inter-gender interaction, stress combat, just to name a few. The impact of fish is such that it has even developed a set of its own unique vernacular amongst our student population, the most common of all being, "Fish you", which can be applied to several different situations, as an offer to treat someone to fish.

With the advent of the fish, civilisation has finally caught up in the classroom, with students learning to settle differences over a platter of our fishy friends. In the past where fistfights were the norm, our students now mediate disputes by offering to treat the offensive party to fish. In the heat of a quarrel, the calmer party would often stare at the offensive party intensely, measure him/her up, and make the peace offer, "Fish you!"

Fish has also succeeded in doing what SDU never could: bringing our young man together with our young women, by giving them a means of social interaction and engagement. Guys now like to tell their other male friends, "Hey, Ben, you know that girl sitting behind us in lecture? I really feel like I want to Fish her." What follows this is a swift and effective publicity campaign by friends to advertise the guys to the subject of their interest, often by informing them of the interest of the guy to have fish with her over dinner.

Another role that fish is playing now, though it is probably taking over the mantle from the stress-ball, is that of a tool against the stresses of student life. In times of extreme frustration, the one thing that comes to the minds of our students is, you guessed it, Fish. Where vulgarities would be common in the past, our students now go for a healthier, and more civilised method to de-stress. When the laptop breaks down for the hundred and sixty two thousand, five-hundred-and-forty-one-th time, our modern day university student takes a deep breath, thinks of what he can do to de-stress, and promptly arrives at his answer: "Fish!"

It must be to the great delight of our national leaders that our future leaders have finally gotten the hang of what it means to be a gracious and civilised society. And also to the great glee of the coffers of fishmongers and restaurants. If fish has become so pervasive in the culture of our univerisities, it will create its own demand. And the only ones who really lose out in this instance, are the poor fishes of the seas.

Coffee

The coffee industry has been revolutionalised to a much lesser extent than fish in the sense that the purpose is still the same. What has changed though, is the habits of our students in the consumption of coffee. While coffee used to be a beverage to help keep our students awake, the relationship between student and coffee has now transformed subtly. Students now stay awake, often through the night, for coffee.

This phenomena is curious for it seems that the coffees through the night do not seem to do them much good. After a good round of drinking through the night, our students often reach home puking, dizzy, drained, slightly dehydrated, and sometimes, even feeling a little weak in the knees. Worst, they do not seem to have much recollection of what happened the night before in their coffee session with friends. And curious gets curios-er: they simply go back for more of such coffee sessions the next week, despite the pain it clearly gives them each time.

Not much is known of the exact going-ons in one of these seemingly torturous sessions in the coffee joints around clarke quay, marina bay and such, but we can ascertain, from their parents, that somehow, the favourite time of the week for coffee, is Wednesday night. The university student would dress up, tell his/her parents that he/she is meeting friends for coffee to discuss about the latest project, and be gone from home, only back next morning with the above mentioned symptoms. Parents are equally clueless about the reasons for these symptoms, for it is simply inconceivable that there is coffee stronger than the coffee shop's kopi o kosong gao thatis capable of inducing such symptoms in grown young men and women. Perhaps it is the monstrosity of the projects that our students engage in, but if that were the case, then the rigour of the university syllabus would need to be re-assessed.

Nonetheless, regardless of the reasons, it is clear that the university has created its own demand for coffee.

With such strong side economic benefits, the university might just appear now to be a more profitable investment venture, and the fish and coffee industry might just serve to be forerunners in the new trend of universities becoming almost self-financing. Strange economics indeed, but with results so pervasive and effective, who's gonna argue?

Pride and Prejudices

2009-08-06T00:07:00.002+08:00

Must admit that i'm more prejudiced than is warranted against Orientation programmes. Turns out that O week isn't too bad. Just finished a long day of beach games today. Quite fun. And my group, Rothello, has got some rather cool people, some rather fun people, and just one or two slightly odd people. which makes for interesting group dynamics. Maybe it's cos i've not done stupid stuff in such large dosage in such a long time, or maybe i never completed understood what i call fun...Or maybe it's really the group dynamics, but Oweek is turning out to be more fun than i expected or hoped. Rothello!! think my arms are going to be sore from the tug of war...but it was fun while it lasted.

And as Oweek draws to a close, school's starting for real soon. Like, real soon. Got the modules that i had wanted to do: history, european studies, southeast asian studies, english, and this physics module called "Einstein's universe and quantum weirdness". Sounds like a fun suicide for my, that last module. Quantum physics...and i barely understood my O level physics. Yay. S/U FTW. Must remember to not get complacent. Really...

For the super un-informed, i'm currently a mac user. Cost about 2.3k, but i'm getting 1.5 from the Dark Tower in buona vista, and dad's footing the balance. so now i have a mac, signed up for a mobile broadband with singnet, and i'm now officially capable of being completely wireless. how cool is that. just wait till i figure out all the quirks of my new toy...

school's not started, and the scandals are already in full force. how amusing indeed.

It's nice to have someone whom you can really talk to. Be it interesting stuff, gossip, serious stuff, school stuff, irritating, frustrating stuff...it's just nice to have someone to share it with. Think i don't really appreciate my close friends enough. but how? hmm. that's a tough one. i've not had alcohol in my body for quite a while. think it's about time to inject some in soon. hmm. sounds like a plan is forming.

Scholarship Ceremony tomorrow. Sorry Rothello, it's not that I don't wanna be at Oweek, but the minister wants to see me. So i can't say no, right?

hotblond87@hotmail.com

2009-07-19T21:24:00.001+08:00

apparently, i've been asking people to add the above mentioned fella on msn. if i ask you to, please don't. i'm not sure what's infected my com. haven't able to fish it out. so bear with me, like you bear with the acai berry pills, k? thanks. but if you've already added such a person, drop me a tag and tell me what this idiot is like, k? thanks.

think i'll have to reformat my com...soon. soon is a relative term, as estee will say, but yea, sooner, rather than later...when i'm free/in the mood...soon...hmmm.

Growing Up

2009-07-13T14:20:00.004+08:00

I wrote the words "Forever, forever", put it in a bottle.
Set it out to sea,
Watched it bobble out far.
A promise is a promise,
As immovable as my bespectacled eyes can perceive.

But the tides have had
A mind of their own.
Brought my bottle to a distant shore,
Crashed it on a little rock.
And forever is as forever fades.

At the next coming of the tide
I hold yet another bottle.
I wrote the words "One day more",
Put it in the bottle.
And I placed the bottle in my pocket.

And so that bottle stands now,
On my study desk.
"One day more", it says.
Everyday's prayer,
Is just, for One Day More.

And till a Forever that never fades,
Descends upon this world with the legendary Pearly Gates,
Until the day of glory,
Until the day of universal ecstasy,
One Day More...

Transformers

2009-07-07T19:55:00.002+08:00

Watched Transformers yesterday. Not as good as the first, definitely. But still, highly watchable. Perhaps the draggy story made it worse, and it was a little hard and confusing to follow certain points in the convoluted plot. But come on. Who watches something like Transformers for the plot anyway?

The robots and the action was cool. And that's enough, right?

I had a lot of fun yesterday. :D

********************

Saw the rumours that Megan Fox might be a transformer too? Just rumours, on highly unreliable websites...but that would be a flipper.

********************

Things said cannot be unsaid. Feelings cannot be unfelt. It may be wrong of me. Too harsh perhaps. Too much negative emotion? Rather, absence of love? Or was it righteous? But i know the feelings that welled up, and those were not entirely godly nor can i fully pretend that it's all righteous anger.

But i do know that i have an unhealthily large distaste for arm chair critics. That's probably one of my pet peeves. But let's lace it with a bit more love and be transformed till i know that i have the mind of christ, and be a true agent of God. For now, i'm not entirely sure of it yet.

But in God's hands i leave it. Be transformed!

********************

After watching the movie (however much it strayed from the cartoon), I was wondering if i could fit "Prime" into my name. Didn't quite work out. Guess that's the problem with chinese names. Oh well.

OBS (a reflection)

2009-07-05T18:10:00.002+08:00

The way we lead our lives reflects a life philosophy. There is something inside us, a compass (whether moral or not) that guides us in our decisions. And there's something in our lives that conditions this compass. It could be experience, it could be something bigger, or something smaller. Goodness is not the exclusive property of the church. Selfishness is not the exclusive property of the world out there.

The greater the challenge, the clearer the compass points true north. Where character shines is where the difficulty is the greatest. And where true hope and faith shines, is when the despondency is the darkest. What is life and death? What is fatigue and tiredness? Mere phases. That which endures is character, and this holds through even if one rejects the notion of an afterlife.

This OBS is the toughest camp i've ever been to (not saying a lot here, but just bear with me). And in the toughness, after squeezing me dry of all the energy that i have, what is left to push me on is character. What drives me on to push the people around me, is character. Through the mud, the storm, the hill and the heights, what is left, what is clear, is character, force of will, strength of mind, and of course, friendship. No human back is stronger than the mind and soul that commands it.

Challenges and sufferings have another relation with character; challenges mould our character. It takes something that was blunt and sharpens it. It takes something that was weak and sharpens it. It gives hope and desperation in equal measure, and when one steps across the barrier from desperation into hope, one would have grown.

It is the criticism of the unchallenged on the futility of struggle. The challenged know. And the answer to everything else outside of our control and ability to comprehend and accept, is on the cross.

I am thankful for the experience and challenge thrown my way. And i thank God for giving me the grace and hope to step across the barrier in the right direction. This has shown me the good work that God has already done with me, and the promise of so much more if i surrender it all to Him. To shine for Jesus, to be useful for His purpose, to comprehend the incomprehensible more...

I pray for bigger challenges to befall, and in triumph, to bring glory to God. For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever.

"In every victory, let it be said of me. My source of strength, my source of hope, is Christ alone."

History

2009-06-15T14:25:00.002+08:00

Archives are back up after a reminder/prompt by estee. Looked through my own archives a bit, and i think i'm not proud of what i read. Haha. Oh well. We all grow up. And we all have histories we rather not tell people we have. Wouldn't it be nice if all there is to us is the nice saintly figure we always portray?

But behind who we are today, is a growing up process that isn't all honour and glory. Sometimes, we aren't proud of it. I think the good thing about that is, we are better now than then. And our past has shaped us into who we are today. So no shame either. I'm not proud of some of the things i've done, but i'm not ashamed of it. There are things that I ought to be ashamed of myself of, but by God's grace, He's taken it in His hands and moulded it into something quite different. It's made me who I am today, and I thank God Almighty that He's made something good out of this piece of sh*t.

Heard Junnan share this with the cell group once, it's about the traditional process of refining silver. The refiner refines the silver by heating it in the fire to melt away the impurities, and that'll make the pure silver left behind shiny, unoxidised. If the refiner overheats, then the silver is spoilt, and cannot be used for jewellery anymore (since it'll lose it's shine). Ane how does the refiner know when to stop? When he sees his own face reflected in the silver he's working on. It's a painstaking process, and only the silversmith's love for his art keeps him working in that kind of heat.

And God continually refines and transforms us. The mark of whether we have been refined is how much of God's reflection we see in us. Bit by bit, and for that, I'm grateful.

A reflection on sermon

2009-06-03T21:11:00.002+08:00

2 Kings 4:38 - 41

Elisha returned to Gilgal and there was a famine in the region. While the company of the prophets was meeting with him, he said to his servant, "Put on a large pot and cook some stew for these men."

One of them went out into the fields to gather herbs and found a wile vine. He gathered some of its gourds and filled the fold of his cloak. When he returned, he cut them up into the pot of stew, though no one knew what they were. The stew was poured out for the men, but as they began to eat it, they cried out, "O man of God, there is death in the pot!" And they could not eat it.

Elisha said, "Get some flour." He put it into the pot and said, "Serve it to hte people to eat. " And there was nothing harmful in the pot.
*********************************

Gilgal -- a place on the edge of the Promised Land. (ref Josh 4)

So, Elisha and his party are gathered at the edge of the Promised Land, and there was a famine there. Not stepping into God's promise, which overflowed with honey and milk, but staying outside of it, hence, suffering from the famine.

The people were hungry, so Elisha told them to prepare a stew, and gave orders to gather some food from the surroundings to cook into a stew. Servant steps out, and guess what? He can't find much useful herbs! (there's a famine in the land, duh.) But he did find a wild vine (contrast to the True Vine aka Jesus, ref John 15). So he gathers the gourds, brings it back, and cooks it into a stew. But it being a wild vine, the people naturally didn't know what it was, but it went into the stew anyway. Thankfully, when they tasted it, they realized that, hey, it's poisonous! There's death in the pot! Oh no!

So Elisha takes some flour, puts it in, and presto, it's edible again! Nothing about whether it's delicious, but it's edible.

In the modern day church, there's a spiritual famine. We're all hanging around on the outskirts of God's promise, not quite walking in to grab it, but just hanging around on the outskirts. Of course, on the outskirts, food is scarce. We're all kinda spiritually hungry.

When we're hungry, we search for food. But in a land of famine, even hungrygowhere.blogspot.com won't be able to help much. But we step out into the field anyway, trying to find something that will sustain us. We look for self-help books, we go for church conferences, we go for motivation courses, we look for a higher lifestyle. That which is obviously wrong, we forgo. But that which we don't know (maybe highly liberal bible interpretations, mormonism, wrong theology...etc etc), or that which looks like it could be the real deal, we bring it back home, and put it in the pot, to consume, to internalize. But alas, when we eat it, something in us tells us that it's wrong! It doesn't bring us the life we want, doesn't fill the hole in us, the spirituality remains unsatisfied. Something is not right, and we cry out, "There is death in the pot!"

The Man of God comes along, adds in his own patented cure (just flour, actually, but it's flour annointed by God, so deal with it), and it's edible again! In the real life context, Pastor's challenge was for us to be the flour, be God's solution to the problems that we see. A call to action.

What did I learn from this sermon?

We don't step into God's promised land, and we hunt around, and what we find may not necessarily bring life. What we've got to do, is to step into the Promised Land where God is, and seek His flour for our problems. His flour is distributed freely in licensed churches and in His holy word, so we all know where to look for it. And when we've found His flour, ingested it, grown stronger, we go out into the field, and bring the flour to people who have yet to find it.

For someone like me who likes to be in action, in the thick of things, it is a reminder that BEFORE i act, i must be sure that i'm acting with God's will and word in me, and to bring it to the people who need it most.

Sounds complicated, but faith is a simple thing. Believe, seek, and God will surely lead and guide. I believe.

I wish...I wish...

2009-05-24T19:21:00.002+08:00

1. Great Expectations
2. Wuthering Heights
3. Les Miserables
4. Lolita
5. Midnight Children
6. A new DSi
7. A Macbook.
8. Cable TV for next season's matches
9. For friendships to last and grow
10. Not get backstabbed
11. More of Jesus in my life.

Sleep is good, again

2009-05-19T21:10:00.003+08:00

I don't have many bags, so what I do have, I tend to carry around often. Let's hope my eyebags don't start coming out, cos I definitely don't want to carry them around for long.

To be frank, I really don't know what's keeping me up nowadays. Nothing meaningful, I think. I mean, if I don't remember much of it, it can't be important, right? Ok, that's flawed logic, I know. I didn't remember most what I was taught in schools, and I have a feeling that they just might be quite important. Just a feeling though. There's got to be stuff in life more important than grades. Maybe I'm just in denial. And definitely, I'm digressing.

Sleep is good. But there's this curious draw of being online doing nothing, or dwiddling on my DS, wasting my life away. Depart from here, depart! Depart! Ha! I'm not the only one who quotes lame lines from plays.

Saw a report about how lack of sleep affects brain performance. If my brain is currently showing signs of the lack of sleep, then I don't want to know how powerful I will be when rested. Fear me, I say. FEAR ME!!!

Think the lack of sleep has seeped into this entry. Someone should do a study on the effect of lack of sleep on humour. If we all sleep less, think we just might be able to solve global warmi... Never mind.

cos we're all just players

2009-05-16T20:06:00.002+08:00

watched the stajeworks performance last night, and, was, somewhat, disappointed by the school's play, and not entirely satisfied with most of the alumni's plays.

Shopping for Baby was funny. That was the good one. The other 2 alumni short plays fell a little short. And the school one...

The script was an outdated script. Written in the 1980s, if i'm not wrong. issues are...old, outdated, and boring, really. maybe cos i'm not a student anymore, so i can't connect with it, but heck. it really is a little boring listening to growing up pains from a previous generation. time to move on?

and i kinda realised that i'm obligated to go for the alumni's own play in july. ah well. let's hope i get complimentary tickets. hahahaha.

fair's fair

2009-05-14T20:28:00.002+08:00

democracy's never been the fairest system around. no human system ever is. but what's fair? fair is when everyone feel that they've gotten what they think they deserve? then when some are not satisfied, they call it unfair? is it a sense of entitlement? fair expectation of entitlement? what's behind it? ego? pride?

i don't know.

what's right? what's best? is it necessarily what's fair?

i think? seek the higher purpose. stick to it, and heed not the human distribution of glory and power. character and soul is the only thing that is left in the afterlife. and character is not built on lofty titles and flighty achievements.

perhaps character is forged in the doldrums, and purpose sharpened and tested against the tide. what is purpose if it cannot shine through in times that seem to hold it back?

courage and commitment are inseparable. with commitment, we will find courage. with commitment to a purpose, to a cause, to the Cross, we will find the courage. If courage fails, the commitment has probably not been strong enough. if the commitment is strong enough, then courage is a necessary by product.

character, commitment, courage. that's my prayer for you.

"leadership is not about position." i wrote that down in my training proposal to schools as part of my leadership philosophy. i still stand by that. leadership will shine, position or not.

it's interesting how all the good endearing qualities of Man are the most beautiful when the odds are stacked against them.

1 Cor 13:13 "...but the greatest of these is love." and the greatest of all love is God. in Him, i shall find enough, i shall find more than enough, i shall find peace, i shall find joy. and so will you.

and that, my dear friend, is my prayer for you.

Watching a war...

2009-05-07T19:41:00.002+08:00

is harder than starting one.

To watch and try to resolve it, while not implicating oneself in either side...what the heck. Sometimes I wonder how old I am to be dealing with all these. And how old they are to be starting all these. Whatever.

What can I do to fix this?

Maybe I can draw inspiration from the UN. hmmmmmmm...

Rose-tinted

2009-05-05T23:25:00.003+08:00

Are those rose-tinted clouds, or merely dark skies seen rose-tinted lenses?

Is that the sun coming over the horizon, or merely a trick of the eye?

Is that a rose, or a picture of past blooms?

A whiff of fresh air, or the smells of the past coming back to haunt the unsuspecting?

Is it a tango, or a solo?

Is it true? What is the end state? Or can it only be figured out, step by step?

Victory

2009-05-04T23:17:00.001+08:00

In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone.
***********************

Everything that has a beginning also has an end. And where it begins, there too, it shall end.

For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever.

Black and White

2009-05-02T00:24:00.002+08:00

Black-ish top.
White-ish trousers.
Black laptop bag.
White laptop.
Black Ipod.
White earphones.

Bible.
Great Gatsby. Hunchback of Notre-Dame Picture of Dorian Gray.
English in the ears.
HK in the mouth.

Dichotomy. Irony. Assymetry.

Illusions of greatness.
Delusions of destiny.
Dashed hopes of prosperity.
Fading into posterity.
Hope for the everlasting,
Threshing through the great claws of reality.
A dream? A painting?
Or a higher, true-er, invisibility?

Ears open,
Heart shut in.
Beating against the walls of despair-ity.
Always hearing, never perceiving.
The great tragedy, perhaps,
Of this 21st century.
Self-worshipping the only recognizable deity.
The mirror it holds,
The ultimate victory.

Arrogance. Pride. Hopelessness. Reality.

White light shining into a black hole.
Why shine, O' Light?
Why die, O' Lord?
Why hope, O' Man?
Or is there a higher hope?
A true-er truth?
A greater greatness?
A holier holy?

Unless there is. There has to be.

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that all who believe in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.

There is.

White.

A Man After God's Own Heart

2009-04-26T19:45:00.002+08:00

Faith

To have faith in the face of overwhelming odds. To stand firm in the name of God against the giants of life. Ref 1 Samuel 17. David vs Goliath.

1 Sam 17:45

David said to the Phlistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of hte armies of Israel, whom you have defied.

Reasonable

To be reasonable. To be willing to listen to good counsel and reverse decisions. Ref 1 Sam 25. David reversing a decision to destroy Nabal's household after listening to the good counsel of Abigail (who was to become his wife)

To repent

When we sin, when we err, to repent, and not to reactively justify, explain away, cover up. Ref 2 Sam 11-12.

Psalm 51:1-12

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blog out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

********************************

And that's a summary of today's sermon.

What does it hold for me?

One word: Submission.

To submit by faith to the will of God. To remain reasonable and teachable. And to repent, as surely I have sinned. To paraphrase Nelson, were I to put a post-it on myself for every single little sin I've committed, I'll be covered in yellow. And for that, the response must not be to cover up, but to repent, and change.

To fully submit. All my daily decisions. All my daily interactions and relationships. All my transgressions.

It's hard, but I know God is with me. By His loving grace, so it shall be.

Who Am I?

2009-04-23T22:35:00.002+08:00

Josh says:
u r a great brother

Josh says:
a man of God

Josh says:
one cherished and loved by the Almighty Father

qixiang says:
:)

Josh says:
one purified by the blameless n holy blood of His Son

Josh says:
a great friend

Josh says:
a patient listener

Josh says:
an intrepid thinker

Josh says:
sensitive consoler.

qixiang says:
thank you fellow brother, friend.

qixiang says:
those were kind words.

qixiang says:
thank you. and that which you have described, alas, i am not in doubt. for soasmuch as i fall and i weep, i know that the grace of God be with me, and this holy brethren that he has placed in my life. if indeed my whole life be filled with this joy and this love and companionship!

qixiang says:
but yet, i question my role in the lives of others. that not of the brethren, for indeed, they have been excluded from the usage of the word brethren by nature of their birth and second birth by the water and the spirit, or of those excluded by virtue of time spent together, or of those excluded by no fault of theirs, but merely the higher will not pulling us together? Or those who are excluded from the strict usage of the word brethren by nature of their chromosomes?

qixiang says:
who am i beyond a friend? who am i beyond a listening ear? who am i beyond a ready source of information and entertainment?

qixiang says:
who am i indeed, in the eyes of the un-Almighty?

qixiang says:
In the midst of these all, i fall back on the grace of the Alpha and Omega. i fall back on that that everlasts. that which never fades.

qixiang says:
but it is the wretched curse of the mortal and finite body, to hanker, to doubt, and to desire after that which too, does not last, but mayhaps, Man, in his folly, may believe that it might not fade away.

qixiang says:
in Man's hands, all things shall fade. but with God, nothing is impossible. nothing is too infinite, nothing too hard, and into the hands of this Infinity, i commit the wretched curse, that He who works the loom of the universe shall weave an oasis of hope of this wretched curse.

qixiang says:
that the masterpiece, shall be the Master's piece, and to this end, i commit myself and my curse. to God be the glory, and by the blood on the holy cross, may i live out my life in accordance to His highest thoughts and ways and wisdom.

qixiang says:
woots.

qixiang says:
that was inspired.

qixiang says:
hahaha

Josh says:
AMEN Brother. Let this be your heart's cry.....till the day we meet Him face to face.

************************************************

And this conversation happened after Joshua saw my MSN nick, which was "Who am I?" Haha. Inspired writing. Think I'm reading too much of Dracula.

Who am I in this world? What role am I playing in my job, in my relationships with my friends? What's my purpose, here and now?

God help me find it.

What's in store in the future? How will the friendships I have now develop? Will they last? Will they be pleasing unto God? Will I bring more people to the cross of Christ?

God help me find it.

Will I start my company? How long will I teach? Will I go into missionary work? Will I pastor a church? Will I become a burden to society? Will I bring hope to the world?

God, help me.

"And I hold on to the promise, that Your hold on us is true."

ws7&*u8chasd8**(^%

2009-04-20T08:59:00.002+08:00

something's seriously wrong with my internet explorer. can't display any thing other than html. explains why i'm blogging in school...hmmmmmm...

the debates team went out at the quarters after giving acs(i) a good fight, so that's good. think this year's team was good, and they put up a good show, gave a good account of themselves. Good that the team have all grown, and it's definitely good that they're better friends now than when they first started. i'm sure they'll go on to be good seniors.

Man U got knocked out of FA Cup on penalties last night. yes, i stayed up to watch most of it. until the tv at the coffeeshop went all "my-computer" on us. sigh. no quintuple then. quadruple would do good still.

diffused bomb with nextstaje, so that's good.

dad's flew off to shanghai. hmm.

and i thank the Lord for keeping me on the right path, though my heart and mind may wander, but He's always there to bring me back. so that's good too.

Further reflection on The Bait

2009-04-12T21:43:00.002+08:00

I prayed for the team before they went out for competition. I didn't pray for victory in the debate room. Didn't pray for vanquishing of the opponent. Rather, I prayed for peace, regardless of result. For faith, that regardless of result, they would give a good account of themselves and the effort put in, and belief in that which is eternal, rather than the transcient results of the competition.

Perhaps i've lost the desire for victory. Perhaps i've lost the passion to beat down the opponent. Or perhaps i've found a greater victory that i hold on to with all i have and everything else just fades away.

But still, i will support the team. Maybe i don't care much for competition results anymore, but moral support is something i still stand by, and of course, it helps when the people i'm supporting are such a loveable bunch.

Do i have a role to play in the set-up? A God-assigned role, perhaps? Why am i spending so much time there? Passion for debates, perhaps. Not passion for competition, i'm afraid. Maybe i'm there to watch out for their emotional, psychological, spiritual well-being? Or am i thinking of biting more than i can chew?

Passion for the people, i think. The more i spend time interacting with people, the more i'm convinced that it will be my life's calling to serve the people directly. And i don't view people as a generic group anymore. It's the individuals of the group that i can connect with that gives meaning to the interactions. It's the relationships that define your connections.

this is turning out to be such a jumbled up and reflective piece.

Connecting the dots?

2009-04-12T11:35:00.003+08:00

The Bait.

The team won 3 out of 4 matches in the prelim rounds. So if Joyce or Jess are reading this and you didn't already know, now you do. Beat PJ, IJ, VJ (swing), lost to SA. Yup.

Important thing was that the effort and time invested showed in the performance. No idea if we made it to the quarters yet, but we'll see. Regardless, excellent job done and kudos to Ms Pang, Mr Chiam, Mr Yeo, Ms Sonam, Ms Amreeth.

Unfortunately, I think this is the beginning of the end. De Coach has managed to delay it for 2 years, but I really do think that this is the beginning of the end. Specific reasons...let's just say that support isn't sufficient...

***************************

Why?

I know why.
It was for divine justice that Jesus had to die.
To pay the price that ought to be paid,
To suffer the consequence of what had been done.

I know why.
It was for love that Jesus had to die.
For the people whom he loved
For the lost that he came to seek.

I know why.
It was for someone's sins that Jesus had to die.
Pierced for his perversions,
Punished for his rebelliousness.

I know why.
It was for you that Jesus had to die.
Shames that you try to hide,
Sorrows that you masked behind a faceless mask.

I know why.
It was for me that Jesus had to die.
Remember the lies that I told,
Recall the anger, frustrations, and hate that I nursed.

I know why Jesus had to die.
****************************

Masterpiece?

Are who we are today the finished article? A masterpiece of nature, a masterpiece of cosmic-proportioned coincidence? Is it finished? Or just a work in progress, a potential masterpiece still unfolding and developing?

Phi 1:6

...being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

Phi 3:12-14

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

As far as I'm concerned, whether I turn out to be a masterpiece or not, I'm really not too bothered. I just want to be one of the Master's pieces (haha, bad pun) and be used fully for His intended purpose fully.

************************

Confessions of a closet envy...-er, amongst other things

Was listening to the Incumbent talk to De Coach yesterday about branded goods, spending power, luxuries to lavish on yourself, and there was this very very very strong sense of...envy mixed in with my usual dollops of disdain. Which is mildly disturbing. I've never really been one to care for brands, but the tug of envy tells me that something is wrong. Why the envy? Something that I actually want but can't afford, and I kid myself that I don't like it or need it or want it anyway? Or have I just never been true to myself, and never been brave enough to admit that I too, am tempted by such frivolities? Or have I always been aware, just that I kid myself and all around me too?

Strange.

I asked God to guard my heart, to not be tempted into jealousy and hate and self-devaluation. To let me be contented with His plan for me in my life, regardless of how rich I end up, or how destitute I become. I prayed that I will be satisfied in being a small spot in the the masterpiece on His canvas of the universe.

I asked God to let me see beyond the material things that rot and fade away, and to focus all my energies on attaining the eternal glory in Christ Jesus, that never fades, nor rots, nor devalues.

So God help me.
***************************

Easter Service Reflection

When confronted with a love so deep and profound, what is our response? We cannot be lukewarm. We have to either embrace it, or reject it. When we embrace it, we reach the starting line for the race towards eternity. The value is not in the speed or pace of the run, but in the never-ceasing push forward. Not in when you start, as long as you do. Not in completing it as soon as possible, but to hold out until the coming of the Lord.

When faced with such love, I have chosen to embrace it and to run the race. So Lord, help me to help me and the brothers and sisters who're running together with me.

**************************

The Quintessential Human Essential...or something like that

What is the natural need of the human soul? Companionship? That's what friends, best friends, girl friends, spouses are for, right?

I pray that God will help me keep my relationships with friends from attacks by the evil forces of the world, and let them develop naturally, as He wills.

Why?

2009-04-09T18:52:00.002+08:00

Matt 16:21-23

From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, chief priests and teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, "never, Lord!" he said. "This shall never happen to you!"

Jesus turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the things of God, but the things of man."

********************
Why must Jesus die? The mind of this world will never be able to understand it. Yet it is prophecied in the Old Testament that this MUST happen. And Jesus tells us that what he's going to go through is exactly the event that was prophecied.

Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted.

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

Matt 26:39

..."My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."

The cup of the Lord's wrath was Jesus's to drink from, and it is the will of the Father that Jesus should drink of it. Fully. Down to the very last drop. That all our iniquities will be placed upon him, to bring us peace. That we may be right before God.

But what makes Jesus so special that his death, and his alone, is worth so much?

Matt 3:17

And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

The only One. The only one who was pure, without sin. The only begotten. One who is special to God, and yet, the Father sent him to death by such an excruciating and humiliating method. And to what effect was this sacrifice?

Rom 3:22-26

This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus.

Let us take this day before Good Friday to give thanks for the greatest gift of all. The gift of the blood of Jesus that brings us peace before God. The gift that surpasses all blessings and miracles. That of God's everlasting covenant with us all who believe and love Jesus.

And why did Jesus have to die? Why Jesus?

Because God loves us, and Jesus was the only one who could atone for all of us, forever.

Why did Jesus die for us? Why us? Why me?

1 John 4:8
ὁ θεὸς ἀγάπη ἐστίν
ho theos agapay estin
God is love.

Can't sing, can't dance, won't steal things

2009-04-06T22:01:00.003+08:00

Mr Kwan no more.

Not teaching anymore. Relief teaching ended last friday, and to be honest, i'm kinda sad. teaching withdrawal symptoms. haha. will miss my students. it's been a really really really fun 2 months. if you're seeing this, and i taught you, pass the message on to the rest of the class, k? you guys were wonderful. the best thing i could have asked for for my first teaching experience.

On the train.

Was on the train with titus today, was going towards raffles hospital for my check-up. titus's bag almost bumped into an old lady, and i held him back. old lady was really thankful though, and ended up giving me 2 sweets. Yay. they're my trophies for good public behaviour now. but that old lady really did make my day a lot brighter. she looked like she was 60, but said that she's actually 80, and still helping out with post-natal care as a nurse. amazing.

Check-up

Waited 2 hour for a check up that took 10 minutes. sigh. at least there was someone to sms/chat with while waiting. thanks estee. you were great virtual company.

and that sums up the significant events of the week. *round of applause*

had wanted to post something insightful, but inspiration ran away.

Choir Thing

2009-03-23T22:24:00.003+08:00

and the fund-raising dinner came and when. am still fascinated by the map of the mediteranean from 1692, detailing in great detail the various major principalities, "national" boundaries, major cities and regions. in French. bloody cool. too bad the auction price was a thousand. beyond my means. oh well. in a few years time...maybe... of course, the bible leaves from the 1611 KJV 1st edition were damn cool too. it'f been a great blefsing to have been able to see a literal piece of our church history.

then there's the singing. the climax of almost 2 months worth of practice. think my singing's gotten better after all the drills with andrew and esther with the rest of the folks. k box, anyone? but but. main point is, i'm honoured and deeply grateful for the grace that God has shown us by choosing to have us sing for His purpose. As we sing from our hearts, lifting our praise up to Him in song, convicted by the love and grace He has shown in our lives...i'm sure people's hearts were touched too. it was a great experience. my first time singing in public, and it was great. not cos of the singing experience per se, but for the cause and purpose we're singing for. absolutely amazing. so a big shout of encouragement to the following people (though they probably won't see this): Andrew and Matthew and Esther, Erwin and Cheryl, Grace and TTM, Song and Song, Cassandra and Kim, Serena and Nina, Josh, Daniel, Cheez, Ming.

no idea how we got labelled as the AMKMC youth choir though. never knew.

*************************************

Ah shucks. looks like the title race is open again. blehx. suspensions, injuries... not looking good. losing 2-0 to fulham is bad. very bad. maybe we should sell ronaldo, and get ribery or something... it'll be interesting to see bayern become man u's feeder club. hahaha. if only hargreaves isn't injured all the time...

On the Job

2009-03-06T22:08:00.002+08:00

Been in this job for about a month now. Proper work started about 2 weeks ago. How's it been?

I think that it's been a fulfilling experience. It has definitely taught me a lot.

In the past, while in debates, it was about a set-piece argument. Something that you've got to prepare for, know inside out, and make adjustments and improvise as you go along. At any one time, a maximum of 3 people could be asking questions of you.

Now, it's a little different. And I find myself floundering a little at the beginning. I do prepare, but what I prepare, is merely 20 words or so, and i'm going to have to build on that for about an hour or slightly more. It still makes me a little nervous.

But what I've learnt, is to rely on God. To strip away all the fancy preparations, and just go in with God's wisdom and might behind me. It's carried me through times when I run short on ideas (indeed, it's my source of ideas), and it's definitely given me the confidence to speak, with about 25 people who could be asking questions of me.

It's funny how when we focus on the problems, and we ask God to help us solve our problems, those problems don't seem to go away. Maybe that's simply the wrong approach. Rather, seek God first and foremost, and the problems will, by themselves, slowly fade away.

"And all the things of earth, will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace"

I Can Only Imagine...

2009-03-01T17:56:00.002+08:00

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus:]
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

I can only imagine

[Chorus]

I can only imagine [x2]

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

I can only imagine
******************************************

The surpassing glory of the grace of Christ.

How can I reach that glory, tap on that power, if all that i think about, if all that worries me, are the worries and things of the world?

To dip into that deep spiritual power, I've gotta keep my eyes firmly on the source of that power.

And then i'll realize, it's not about me at all.

I can only imagine...

rejoice

2009-02-08T23:30:00.003+08:00

i want people to be happy, to be glad. to not sorrow.
i want people to be calm, to be at peace. to not cry.
i want people to laugh, to be merry. to not despair.
i want people to hope. to dream. to not lose faith.

for i am returning to my Lord.

if you worry, pray that i'll abide in Him all of my days.
if you care, pray that i'll not stray from the path He's laid down before me.
if you love, love too those that i love.
if you hope, hope in He who does not fail.

for the Lord will always be with you.

peace, be with you.
peace, to go with you.
peace, i beg of you.
my peace, i leave with you.

for what is death, but a temporary stop-over?

live the life you were meant for.
live, like you were Called to.
live, for the highest purpose.
live, to celebrate and rejoice in every moment.

if life and death are mere phases
before the great transition,
if what is on the other side is far glorious
then i choose to depart with His praise on my lips.

let the first words of my born again mouth be His praises.
let the first step of my born again feet be a dance for Jesus.
let the first morsel for my born again flesh be His body broken for me.
let the first desire be, forever, for His holy glory.

and when the coffin closes on the last whiff of life,
when the doctors declares the final beat of the heart,
when the curtains close on the final stand
when the last bow, and the last goodbyes have been bade.

Rejoice, for I am returning to my Lord.

For you-whose-name-i-don't-know.

"When we've been here ten thousand years...
bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise...
then when we've first begun."

CNY

2009-01-26T00:29:00.002+08:00

Happy CNY to all!! I know of the Niu Year pun going around, but i refuse to repeat it. it's not that great a pun, is it?

But yes. Happy Chinese New Year to you!! and if you're not chinese, or don't celebrate CNY, happy holidays!! Eat lots, gain lots of weight, and have lots of fun!! Lots of ang bao money would be good to, but that's not supposed to be the point.

God bless!

David vs Goliath Part 2

2009-01-19T19:08:00.002+08:00

1 Samuel 17:40

Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd's bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.

1 Sam 17:45-50

David said to the Philistine, "You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will hand you over to me, and I'll strike you down and cut off your head. Today I will give the carcasses of the Phlistine army to the birds of the air and the beasts of the earth, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord's, and he will give all of you into our hands.

As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Phlistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell facedown on the ground.

So David triumphed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone; without a sword in his hand he struck down the Philistine and killed him.

*****************************

Who in their right mind would fight a guy over nine feet tall, armed with a sword, spear and javelin, with only a staff, a sling, and five stones? Who in their right mind will confidently predict victory against such odds? But the outcome of the battle suggests that David wasn't crazy, so this begs another explanation. That he won was no doubt down to the Lord aiding him in battle. For him to have the confidence to proclaim loudly his confidence takes some real knowledge of the Lord, and immense faith in Him.

What are we taking into our battle with the giants of our lives daily? Everyday, we meet fresh challenges. Temptations of the flesh, temptations of our values and morals, challenges to our beliefs, tasks that seem too hard for our capabilities...the list of modern day woes goes on. But what do we do in the face of these giants? By whose strength do we fight? With whose aid do we stand our ground? With what weapons do we make our assault?

God has already taken care of the largest giants of all: the Giant Sin and his brother Death. And having taken care of the Giant Sin by sending His Son to deal with it, Death too was broken, seeing how his brother fell. And this same God who defeated Sin and Death calls us into a personal relationship with Him, and offers to help us deal with the other puny minions and lackeys of Sin and Death. He offers us His weapons, His support, and has already showed us how it is done. Will we rely on Him to help us deal with the challenges in our lives?

David vs Goliath Part 1

2009-01-18T23:16:00.003+08:00

1 Samuel 17:32-37

David said to Saul, "Let no one lose heart on account of this Philistine; your servant will go and fight him."

Saul replied, "You are nota ble to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a boy, and he has been a fighting man from his youth."

But David said to Saul, "Your servant has been keeping his father's sheep. When a lion or a bear came and carried off a sheep from the flock, I went after it, struck it and rescued the sheep from its mouth. When it turned on me, I siezed it by its hair, struck it and killed it. Your servant has killed both the lion and the bear; this uncircumcised Philistine ill be like one of them, because he has defied the armes of the livin gGod. The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.

********************

One thing that struck me was how David has been practicing for combat all along. While watching after his dad's sheep, he fought with lions and bears that seize his sheep. He'll kill the beast and rescue his sheep, even though he was just a boy. David attributes his ability to kill the beasts not to superhuan strength (he was only a boy), and not to skill (he wasn't trained in combat), but he fought with the Lord on his side. The Lord who delivered him from the lion and the bear was the source of his confidence in battle.

And now, in this story, David was still a boy. He was visiting his family who were fighting against the Philistines, and amongst the Philistines was a certain guy named Goliath, who was over 9 feet tall, and he challenged and mocked the armies of Israel under King Saul. David heard of the mocking, and wasn't happy that a Phlistine was mocking God's people. So he tells King Saul to let him face this giant of a man, even though he was a boy.

What gave David the guts to want to meet the challenge of a man over 9 feet tall? Not because he already has a lot of experience in wars, and definitely not because he knows some secret fighting technique. But because he has experienced what is it like to fight with the Lord by his side! That gave David his confidence to meet the challenge of Goliath, and to slay him. He has practiced overcoming difficulties with the strength of the Lord, and when the need arises for him to have to kill someone bigger and tougher than anything he's ever fought before, the Lord gives him the strength and confidence that he can do it.

So, practice. Practice relying on God in all the small things, and with that, gain the confidence that the Lord will be with you, even when He calls you on to something that's bigger than anything you've ever done before. He's with you.

More to come in part two...tomorrow, hopefully.

Born Again

2009-01-13T18:21:00.004+08:00

John 3:3-8

In reply Jesus declared, "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again."

"How can a man be born when he is old?" Nicodemus asked. "Surely he cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb to be born!"

Jesus answered, "I tell you the truth, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit. You should not be surprised at my saying, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit."

***************

When one is born from one's mother's womb, who was the one who exerted all the effort? Has any doctor asked the infant to "Come on baby, you've got to try harder to crawl out!" No, all th effort comes from the mother.

Similarly, if one were to be born again in the Spirit, is it by our effort? No, all that needs to be done has been done, so that we might be born again. The effort came from God, who died on the cross for us, so that we may be born again in the spirit, to receive the water of life that flows in us, to receive the Spirit of God that dwells in us.

Hence, it is not by human effort that we can come into communion with God, for we cannot, by our own effort, rid ourselves of our transgressions and sin. Only God can forgive sin. To enter into communion with God, we needed our sins to be forgiven. And God was the one who put in all the hard work to buy us our salvation.

It is in such a God that I place my hope. A God who's personally interested in my well-being, personally interested in my life, and personally involved in my salvation.

Auspicium Melioris Aevi (Hope for a better age) is in Jesus alone.

Has succumbed to FB

2009-01-11T20:21:00.001+08:00

I have succumbed to the dark side. Add me on Facebook. Try to take over the world...

New Year, New War

2009-01-06T21:36:00.003+08:00

Welcome to 2009. Here's a missile for you, and a tank too. Did I mention that my infantry's just around the corner too?

Isaiah 6:9-10

"'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'
Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes, hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."

From the looks of it, it's still quite relevant. How can a people bounded in a covenant of love go so so wrong and become steeped in hatred?

Isaiah 29:13

"These people come near to me with their mouth
and honour me with their lips,
but their hearts are far from me.
Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by man."

How can the cycle of hatred be broken? Is love so hard? Or are the hearts so calloused that love has ceased to be an option, because the heart that yearns for darkness cannot perceive the light, and indeed, refuses to perceive the light.

That which lives by the way of the sword will die by the way of the sword, and beyond, suffer by the fruits of their swords. For the fruit of the Spirit is love, and a good tree will not bear bad fruit. Neither can a bad tree bear good fruit. The bad tree will be judged on the account of the fruit it produces. The light that has come and shone will bring all things into the light, and in the light, nothing can hide. Intentions will be exposed. Excuses will be ripped. The unrighteous will be shown up, the repentant will be forgiven. But how many will truly repent?

The violent will pursue their ways, and the kingdom of love will continue to make its progress in the hearts of man, and until the day when the light returns, I will put my hope in God's grace, mercy and justice.

Cry Out to Him!!

2009-01-02T19:30:00.002+08:00

Luke 19:37-40

When he came near the place where the road goes down the Mount of Olives, the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for all the miracles they had seen:

"Blessed is the king who comes in the name of the Lord!"

"Peace in heaven and glory inthe highest!"

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, "Teacher, rebuke your disciples!"

"I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

*****************************

Oh the joy of the King of Glory coming into our midst. Even if the people don't recognize His glory and cry out, the stones will cry out, for the one who was before all even existed has authority over all in heaven and on earth, and is loved by all the universe. Hosanna in the highest!

Are the rocks showing more joy and emotion than you are when in the presence of Jesus? Time to do some soul-searching!

*****************************

On another note:

John 8:36

So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Thanks Jesus.

****************************

It's great to be sick so soon into the new year. Absolutely great. But before getting sick, managed to get a game of soccer in yesterday morning with the church guys. Was fun lah. Am aching all over now. Played like crap too. THAT backpass was the pick of the lot. Oh wells. Happy new year Bert! Hope you liked the present.

Happy new year guys.

2009

2009-01-01T02:30:00.002+08:00

First post of the new year.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

It's here. The 2009 that only comes around once. Ok. That didn't sound as epic as it did in my head.

Anyway.

Watchnight service was good. Reflective, yet a sense of God's community welcoming in the new year together in prayer and worship. It's great, even without the countdown.

I really thank God for 2008, how He has watched and helped me grow. And realy, I think "GROW" will be my..."theme-word" for the year ahead.

Col 2:6-7

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

Thanks Jesus. You've been great, just like you promised.

咏春，叶问

2008-12-30T20:53:00.002+08:00

Watched the movie twice. Worth the money, I must say. The fighting scenes were well-choreographed, storyline was pretty decent, literary value was not bad, and it had a good ending, unlike a fellow contemporary 霍元甲 (Fearless by Jet Li).

Good stuff.
***************************

It's a new year!! Realized that I'll be turning 21 next year. And I think I know how I want to spend my birthday. Alone. Haha. Yea, call me anti-social if you want, but I really hope to spend my birthday next year alone. Somewhere quiet. That'll be nice.

Hope that 2009 will be a better year for the world than 2008 was. Hope that 2009 will be as good a year as 2008 was for me personally. And amidst all the change, I thank God for the only constant, the only never-changing, eternal I AM.
***************************

Luke 22:31-34

"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."

But he replied,"Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."

Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me."

Despite knowing that Peter will disown him, Jesus did not blame Peter. I believe that Jesus felt hurt to know that one of his most loyal disciples would disown him three times, but Jesus did not blame Peter. Rather, Jesus prayed for Peter, and prayed that after the moment of weakness, he will turn back, strengthened, and in turn, strengthen his brothers.

Jesus didn't pray that Peter wouldn't be tested, but rather, that Peter would recover.

I think it tells us something about life. Not that we won't be tested, but that Jesus will help us recover, and strengthen us, so that we may in turn, strengthen our fellow brothers and sisters.
*********************************

1 Kings 19:11-13

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

God speaks to us in many ways. But the ways He uses is seldom flashy or very attention grabbing. If He had arranged the stars such that they spelt out "Jesus is Lord", it would definitely grab our attention, but it won't take faith to believe in something that was out in the open, yes?

But He does speak to us. In quiet voices, in still moments.

Psalm 46:10

"Be still, and know that I am God..."

God often wants to speak to us, but are we in the right frame of mind to listen?

Christmas

2008-12-23T19:28:00.003+08:00

Christmas is just around the corner. A couple of days away. Gatherings, wine, pizzas, food, meeting with friends...

What does Christmas mean to me?

I dunno, am suddenly apprehensive about meeting all those people over the next few days. Oh wells.

But then again, Christmas isn't about presents or people. Whatcha celebrating?

OLive For Him

2008-12-16T10:26:00.002+08:00

What can wash away my sin?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus;
What can make me whole again?
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

Oh! precious is the flow
That makes me white as snow;
No other fount I know,
Nothing but the blood of Jesus.

*********************

FACT Camp has ended! 2 days ago actually. FACT stands for Forging Ahead in Christ Together, and carries the double meaning of "fact", meaning, what is the fact? What's the truth? Fact or Fiction? Jesus is FACT. Amen!

It was a great camp. Definitely the best camp I've ever ever ever been to. No other camps have managed to come close. It's not cos of the games (a couple of which got cancelled anyway), partially because of the fellowship (got to know more people!), and totally because God's presence was so strong there. I could sense Jesus talking to us, talking to many of us personally, including me, and that really made the camp. It's not about the protected free time, not about the programme, but really, it's all about Him.

The theme verse of the camp was from Col 2:6-7: So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

How does one continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as one was taught?

By committing every little thing in our lives to him.

Feeling negative? Give it to him, ask him to make something good out of it.

Feeling a lack of purpose? Give it to him, ask him to give you a fresh sense of motivation and desire and purpose.

Feeling angry? Give it to him, and ask for a Godly response instead of the anger.

Feeling happy? Give it to him, and be thankful, and share your joy with him who gave you that joy to begin with.

For all the feelings of inadequacy, commit it to his blood shed on the cross for all, for that blood washes away all sin, unrighteousness, ungracefulness, lack of compassion, and light will shine you, and lead the way.

Psalm 112:4

Even in darkness light dawns for the upright,
For the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.

We can't be upright, gracious and compassionate and righteous on our own, especially righteousness. But by committing ouir inadequacies to his blood, we can be righteous, and God will let His light dawn upon us.

Living has never been easier. Just believe.

"Who am I?"

2008-12-07T21:14:00.003+08:00

Matt 16:13-15

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi, he asked his disciples, "who do people say the Son of Man is?"

they replied, "Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah; and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets."

"But what about you?" he asked, "Who do you say I am?"

Peter's answer comes later, but for now, let's just contemplate this. If you were to meet Jesus in the very next moment, and He asked you this question, what would you answer? Some say that Jesus was a lunatic, some say that he's a myth. Some say that he was a prophet, some say that he was a great teacher. What would you say? If Jesus were to ask you, "Who do you say I am?", how would you answer?

Matt 16:16

Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

Reading the Gospels, it is easy to say that one knows what Jesus did when he was alive and kicking. But above knowing about Jesus, do I know Jesus personally?

If Jesus were to ask me today, "Who do you say I am?", what would my answer be?

Exodus 3:13-14

Moses said to God, "Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, 'The God of your fathers has sent me to you,' and they ask me, 'What is his name?' Then what shall I tell them?"

God said to Moses, "I AM WHO I AM. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: 'I AM has sent me to you.'"

Moses knew God as I AM, the God of his fathers, of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. Who do I know God as?

Who do I say You are, God?

Voice of Truth

2008-12-03T00:11:00.001+08:00

Oh,what I would do to have
the kind of faith it takes
To climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
Into the realm of the unknown
Where Jesus is,
And he's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name
and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
time and time again
"Boy, you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh, what I would do
to have the kind of strength it takes
To stand before a giant
with just a sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound
of a thousand warriors
shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out
my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times
I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
time and time again
"Boy you'll never win,
you'll never win."

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

But the stone was just the right size
to put the giant on the ground
and the waves they don't seem so high
from on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
singing over me

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
The voice of truth says do not be afraid
And the voice of truth says this is for my glory
Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

I will listen and believe
I will listen and believe the voice of truth
I will listen and believe
'Cause Jesus you are the voice of truth
And I will listen to you.. oh you are

**********************************

This song by Casting Crowns has got to be my theme song for the month of December.

Perseverance

2008-11-30T18:13:00.003+08:00

"How do you expect me to give you my strength and wisdom if you don't really pray for it?"

"I will help you achieve exceedingly great things. Keep focused on me, and I will help you achieve exceedingly. Just give it your best, and leave the rest to me."

Thank you Lord.

Holding on to the hope in all, letting the power of the hope flow through every area of life. Yea.

Stop Stare Walk

2008-11-28T11:51:00.002+08:00

I'm terribly disappointed with myself. Was on the way home yesterday, saw a guy lying on the floor at the bus interchange. He wasn't moving. Everyone was just walking by. I slowed down. Wondered if I should help. Go ask the guy if he's alright. Then i walked away. Wuss.

And then i stopped some distance away to watch as someone else went up to shake the guy. After shaking the guy, he got on the phone. Wonder who he called. Wonder if the guy was alright.

And i'm disappointed because i walked away. Because i actually thought of helping, but in the end, staying out of trouble won against the desire to help. that's sickening. it's one thing to not even think about helping. that's just messed up. that's just plain indifferent and uncaring. but to have thought of helping and did not, it's weak. It's hypocritical, even.

I hope the guy's alright. Thank God for people who respond. Must. Not. Succumb. To. Indifference.

Where is the love...

Overdrive

2008-11-25T22:26:00.002+08:00

I'm getting myself stuck in many major things at the same time for the next few months. Really have got no idea how I'll be able to pull through it on my own strength.

List of projects:
Church FACT Camp (PM me if you wanna know more!!!)
AJCAA Outreach.EXE
25th Anniversary College CIP (PM me if you're interested to find out more!)
Submitting proposal for AJC Leadership Development programme
Relief Teaching

I really ask God to lend me His strength and wisdom. I need it. Guess this is where I run on faith and not by sight, cos by sight, it's not looking pretty.
**********************

Watching the news is pretty depressing nowadays. People are losing their jobs, others are getting pay cuts, and the general sense of pessimism is just so strong. I mean, I'm kinda protected from it all by virtue of the scholarship, but I sense God challenging me to something more: That I shouldn't sit back and relax in the comfort of His providence. That He is challenging me to do something about this mess the world is in, to do something to make it a better place, to do something to help heal the hurt in the world, to do what I can, and let Him take care of the rest.

Ministry of Hope. A phrase that has been stuck in my head for quite a while now. I honestly don't know exactly what God has in mind when He tells me to go to the Ministry of Hope. What am I supposed to do? Where am I going to go? I honestly don't really know.

I think it involves me helping people focus on our hope that is in His Son and our salvation. I think part of it involves me helping to make the lives of people a little better in a practical way. I think it involves stretching me beyond what I think I can do (but He knows better). I think all that I am doing now, all the training, teaching, sharing, serving, will just be practice and training for what is still to come. All that I do now, is merely in preparation for the Ministry of Hope that He will call me to. For now, i train, and wait.

By Faith and Not By Sight

2008-11-24T20:45:00.002+08:00

Philippians 4:13

I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

2 Corinthians 5:7

We live by faith, not by sight.

Romans 8:37

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Hebrews 11:30

By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.

Isaiah 41:10

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
*****************************

God knows that I need strength. All that I do, let it be by Him, from Him, for Him.

When Tomorrow Comes

2008-11-19T10:32:00.003+08:00

Applied for the relief teaching thingy online last night. Let's hope MOE processes it quickly, and there's actually a vacancy somewhere, preferably AJ. Though, to be honest, if I do get to go to AJ, I'll probably be severely overworked, with me trying to stick a hand in the leadership development programme, 25th Anniversary celebrations, on top of teaching and marking. Cool stuff. I'm actually rather excited.

Worryingly, discipline is in rather short supply. I've another paper to write for the business, deadline is next Friday, and guess how much of it I've already written? No prizes for getting it right. "I'll get rid of my procrastination problem. Just you wait!" This does not bode well for next year, but I'm sure I'll figure something out by then.

Played a bit of Castlevania on my DS. Borrowed the cartridge from Mervyn, one of the few originals that he actually owns. Not thaaat impressed by it. Can't see myself playing the game beyond...20 hours of play time. Which might just be a good thing. Discipline, time management, distraction, you get the idea.

********************************************************

Matt 4:19-22

"Come, follow me, " Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men." At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him.

The first half of the verses (19 and 20) referred to Peter and his brother Andrew. Next two verses referred to James and John. All 4 of them were fishermen. And Jesus, on his little walk, saw them, and called out to them. When Jesus called, "At once they left their nets and followed him", and James and John "Left the boat and their father and followed him".

Contrast this to a later part of the Gospel in Luke 9:59

He said to another man, "Follow me."

But the man replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father."

First, a little clarification, as Pastor Leslie talked about during one of his sermons. When the man wanted to "bury [his] father", it didn't mean that his dad was already dead and waiting to be buried. But what he meant was, let me wait on my dad till he's dead and buried then i'll follow you.

The contrast is obvious. Peter, Andrew, James and John left to join the Lord immediately, leaving behind their old lifestyles, their families, their possessions... While the unnamed man in Luke wants to wait a couple more years, till his dad had passed on, to join the Lord. Nothing against filial piety here, but it's a matter of priority. Which comes first? Filial piety to one's human father, or to one's Father, who art in Heaven? While the Commandment does tell us to honour our parents, but there's a matter of priority. The first and greatest Commandment was to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength" (Deut 6:5, Matt 22:37)

Luke 9:23

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me"

It's not going to be easy. But by His grace, we'll succeed.
************************************************

There's this cross on top of a hill. The sun was just rising behind it, or was it that the Cross itself was glowing? And I was just looking at it, when i noticed this guy coming down from the Cross. Was he nailed on it? He walks up to me, puts His arm around my shoulder, and guides me to the Cross on the hill.

Christmas Wishlist

2008-11-12T12:44:00.000+08:00

Nothing.

Except for people to be happy.

Way, Truth, Life

2008-11-06T16:18:00.002+08:00

John 14:6

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me...."

In this verse, Jesus says that he's three things: the way, the truth, and the life. What does each of these mean? I don't profess to know. It is a spiritual truth that is quite beyond human understanding, but by God's grace, He has chosen to reveal it to us through His Word, and His Word made flesh in our Lord. And by this same grace, I have gained a little understanding of this, though, it is far from complete.

Way. Way to where? Taoism talks about the way. The way to balance and peace with nature and the cosmic forces. The way to inner peace and joy (not ecstatic happiness, but joy. Something that's more lasting, more understated). The Way that Jesus says He is in this verse, is rather different.

Just a couple of verses before, from the end of Chapter 13 and the start of Chapter 14 of the Gospel of John, Jesus tells His disciples that He'll be going somewhere. 13:36b says "Jesus replied, 'Where I am going, you cannot follow now, but you will follow later.'" And later, at the start of Chapter 14, Jesus tells us that He'll be giong to His Father's house. 14:2 "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you." And later in verse 4, "You know the way to the place where I am going."

From these few verses, we know that Jesus will be going to God's house, in heaven, after He is betrayed and killed by the authorities. And then He tells His disciples that they know the way there too. What's this way? We're not entirely sure yet, but what we can be sure of is, that even Thomas the apostle was a little confused. Thomas asks in verse 5 that if they don't know where Jesus is going to, how can they know the way? Jesus replies that He is the way, amongst other things (truth and life).

Jesus is the way to the Father, Jesus is the way to heaven. It's a little metaphoric, but to deconstruct it a little, it would mean that, the way to heaven and eternal life is through Jesus, in Jesus, is Jesus. By coming to our Lord in prayer and worship, He forgives us our trespasses, and by His blood and His interceding on our behalf are we able to be with God the Father. Hence, through Jesus. He is the focal point that we must pass through to reach our Father, which was shown to us by His grace.

The way is also IN Jesus, in the way that He has conducted His life, in absolute faith. In Him, we see the example of the kind of life that God desires us to lead. Jesus was not just saviour and redeemer, He was teacher too. And His life is THE example to follow. His mercy and compassion for all who call out to Him is an example for us. In Him, we see the life that God desires us to lead. By His Spirit, He continues to teach us how to live, that we may bear the fruit of the Spirit, that is "love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Gal 5:22-23).

Truth. What's the truth? It is my believe that when the Bible talks about truth, it does not refer to things like, "Lindsay Lohan is lesbian, and that's the truth." I think it is something higher, a higher spiritual truth. What is the true intention of God? What is His purpose? What does He want from us? What is God really all about? What's His relationship with us? The ancient Jews had many rituals, routines, codes of conduct, rules, laws, stories, prophecies to try to govern and explain the Jewish people's relationship with God. And Jesus did not strictly follow all of these human constructs. Rather, Jesus appealed to a higher power, a higher truth of what the relationship between Man and God should be about.

John 8:31-32
..."If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

John 8:36
"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

Jesus is the truth that sets you free. Free from...? Free from sin, free from laws that do nothing to add to righteousness (Gal 2:21), free from the trappings of the world, so that one may be free to seek that which lasts eternally...So, knowing Jesus is to know the truth, for it is by the teachings of Jesus and the work of the Holy Spirit that the spiritual truths are revealed. It is surely no coincidence that Christ uses the phrase "I tell you the truth..." (NIV) so often in the Gospels. The truth is revealed through Him, in Him.

And finally, the Life. I think Life here refers to 2 different things at the same time. Life as in Life Eternal, and Life, as in Abundant Life.

John 6:35
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

John 6:40
For my Father's will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise him up at the last day."

This is the Eternal Life that God promises us through Christ. That we should live forever in the courts of God, and that it is in His intention to raise us up on the last day. To live in His love and presence forever. What we do during all that time is another matter (some of us can't even stand waiting for the next train, what more for eternity!), I think. Being in His love and presence should make even the most mundane jobs fulfilling and satisfying.

And Abundant Life while still living...

Phi 4:19
And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

All. Of your needs. Not your greed, but your needs. That's as good as a blank cheque. What you need, God will provide and meet, in Christ Jesus. Of course, "in Christ Jesus" is the catch. There's a condition, and the condition to claim the promise is for us to reach out to God through Christ, and He will meet our needs, through Christ.

(Disclaimer: God may choose to bless those who do not believe too. I belive that that is His prerogative, by His will. Or it may be something that He allowed the Devil to do, also by His will and purpose which is beyond our questioning sometimes.)

The key idea here is that in Christ, He has promised His believers an abundant life. If you believe, you will have an abundant life in Christ. It may not be material wealth, for God looks down on the riches and treasures of this world. But in the Spirit, He will surely bless you with all Spiritual blessings, which leads to the satisfaction and fulfillment. Which is what an abundant life should be about.

Is Christ your way, truth and life? Is it mine? Time for some self-reflection.

President Obama

2008-11-05T15:59:00.002+08:00

The first black president in the history of the United States of America. Is this the first time in history that American society has allowed it, or is this the first time a black man has dared tried? Either way, it speaks volumes about American society and the man Obama himself.

But of course, winning it is just the first step. Obama has won a campaign as great and as historically significant as any other presidential campaigns in the history of the USA. His name has already been carved in the history books. His next challenge is to go down in history as one of the greater presidents to have served in that office in the history of the country. He enters service in a time of peril: Many things hang in the balance, and he has the power to tip that balance either way. Will he tread the path of President Hoover, or will he be the one to turn things around?

Hopefully, traditional values of hope and fortitude will win. God bless America indeed.

To xueli

2008-10-24T15:42:00.002+08:00

John 11:4

When he heard this, Jesus said, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it."

John 11:25

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

John 11:43-44

When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.

Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go."

********************************

Press on.

Stoning

2008-10-23T14:53:00.002+08:00

John 8:4-11

..."Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?" They [the pharisees] were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on teh ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?"

"No one sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declaerd. "Go now and leave your life of sin."

*************************************

Thank God that He knows that all of us humans have sinned. He knows us, and He knows all without us having to confess. With one simple question, Jesus trapped the entire crowd. Who has not sinned? No one could stand up to that challenge in honesty. Then Jesus goes on to teach us a second lesson: He forgives.

Surely, the woman had sinned, and was caught sinning, committing adultery. But Jesus did not condemn her. He did not even punish her. He merely asked her to leave her life of sin, to go back to the path of light. God understands that we all sin, and He is not condemning us on that. Rather, He forgives us, and asks us to leave that life of sin, to take up our cross and follow Him. No doubt, He did agree that the woman was in the wrong. There's no point asking her to leave her life of sin if she didn't sin in the first place. She did sin. Now, He's asking her to leave it behind and move on. If even He who is without sin refused to cast a stone, then who shall cast the first stone?

Also, if God can forgive, then who am I to condemn? It's so easy to condemn. So much harder to forgive. But who am I to judge? The only one I can judge with any confidence is myself, because I know my own thoughts and ways. But then again, if God can forgive...then who am I to condemn myself and wallow in self-pity? Confess, repent, change, and move on.

*********************************

In AMKMC, at every communion sunday, we will pray this prayer of confession as a church. I don't remember the whole thing, but it's in the United Methodist Hymnal. Part of it goes "We have failed to be an obedient church".

What does it mean to have failed in being an obedient church? All of us are parts of the body of Christ. If one of us sins, then the whole body has been disobedient, to put it bluntly. If your finger is bleeding, can it not be said that YOU are bleeding? If you are down with appendicitis, is it that "your intestines are sick", or would it suffice to say that "you are sick"? That is true, though slightly harsh. But look at it this way. If someone in the church is struggling with sin, and the rest of the church has failed to help him out of it, then what does that say about our ability to love our neighbours as we love ourselves? Furthermore, is it even possible that most of the people in teh church are sinless? When one prays a prayer of confession as a community, is there anyone who can honestly say, "This prayer doesn't refer to me. I have been spotless."? Have you loved the Lord our God with all your heart, mind, strength and soul? So, let us not pray as a ritual, not pray as a routine. Let us pray in earnest, and mean every single word of it.

On Sunday, I was standing at the back of the chapel when we were praying this prayer. I only saw the back of the heads of the congregation. No faces. This made me realize the lens through which i have been looking at everyone. Be it opinions of a person, or just first impressions, at the back of my mind, i already have some sort of opinion, approval, disapproval about the person. But seeing the back of their heads, not recognizing most of them, and seeing all join in the prayer of confession...This is the church. This is the body of Christ. For the first time, I managed to realize how superficial my understanding of the term "body of Christ" was.

I shall resolve to see that bit of Christ that resides in everyone of us, and not be blinded by my own sorry opinions and impressions.

Jesu take the wheel

2008-10-22T20:36:00.002+08:00

No. I'm not alone. I've just momentarily taken my eyes off the one who's always been with me all along. I've got to spend time seeking Him for Him to constantly remind me that He's with me. So yea, gotta go back to reading the Bible and praying and worshipping more. Some things that I've done a little less of lately for various reasons.

Watching them slip by

2008-10-22T09:13:00.002+08:00

was just flipping through the rj yearbook that daniel brought to office. saw many familar names, many familar faces. some from my batch, some from the batch younger. i used to count many of them as my friends. now, having let so many years come in without even maintaining contact, i wonder if they even remember. and even if they did, will they even bother.

i guess i've never been one who was good with maintaining inter-personal relationships and stuff. never been a people's person. was never good with friendships, and the works. not good with conversations and stuff.

people whom i knew from ri, people who went from aj to rj...too much daylight has come between me and them, i guess. it's probably no one's fault. just that the bond was never that strong in the first place. and it'll be very hard to re-build some of those friendships that have gone to waste, with all the busy-ness and muchado in everyone's lives.

not sure what this feeling is, but i guess a describing it as a mixture of nostalgia, longing and a little loneliness comes quite close.

another twist

2008-10-15T10:47:00.003+08:00

yet another twist to the bmt story. they're now trying to get me on their little island by today. lovely. today. and i've not packed, and not let my parents known yet. this is rather messed up.

hmm. so yea, most probably will have to go. just a matter of today or tomorrow. haha.

edit: and yet another twist. bmtc doesn't want me on that island. so we'll see.

Lump - Final (hopefully)

2008-10-14T23:01:00.002+08:00

Went for the ultra sound scan today. nothing showed up. so that should be the end of the lump saga. thank god.

Good Counsel?

2008-10-13T09:14:00.002+08:00

Hope I did manage to give good advice and not mislead.

That I was really Spirit led and not just getting excited over my own puny intelligence.

That Jesus will take the wheel and show the way.

For things to be done in God's timing.

Maybe I was wrong to have passed judgement (in a way), yea.

Hmm.

Does not have to go to tekong after all

2008-10-10T18:55:00.002+08:00

I'm amazed.

I've learnt my lesson, to leave things in God's hands, and the liberation that comes with that, to surrender my will for His. And then He answers my prayers.

It's like, He's making me learn a lesson, then doing me a favour. It's amazing how God works. Praise Him!

So yea, no more tekong. Woots.

Really amazing.

And thank God for favour from bosses. I owe mr red, ms mona, col sukh, ltc adrian, sean and everyone else a big favour. *feels the burn in the pocket already*

cool stuff. hallelujah!

What's that? + edit

2008-10-08T22:56:00.003+08:00

What's faith?

Revelation of the day:

Christian faith is a dependency upon God for our identity and God-worth (vs self-worth), for His strength to help us do His work.

Know His word. Know His will. Talk to Him, let Him talk to you. And know that it is only by Him, from Him, and through Him that we are anything at all. That He is a God that calls, justifies, glorifies, edifies, happy-fies. Faith is a true dependency.

Edit: I had a talk with someone of true, strong faith last night before i slept. it's amazing how first i came to grasp this from a book (Mere Christianity, CS Lewis), then i talk to someone who lives and breaths this faith. Total dependency...when all else seems to be swaying and crumbling, who do you turn to? When things appear difficult, who do you ask for help?

I'm learning what it means to have faith all over again.

Back to Basics

2008-10-08T20:01:00.003+08:00

Alright, it's been confirmed: I am going back to Tekong on Monday.

Before the decision by the medical board was final, i was really struggling. There was this great inner tension. I wanted God's will to be done. But there's this small part of me that prayed very hard that i will not have to go. Hence the struggle. Now that the decision is final...

As much as it wasn't the outcome that i had privately wanted, somehow, having been confirmed that i will have to go...it felt...liberating. Yea, liberating is the word. Freed from the struggle. Now, i would say that i'm even kinda excited to go back, to see how God will reveal Himself to me there, to teach me something new, something powerful, something different, or to show me something that He wants me to do there.

How amusing that sometimes, I don't need things to happen the way i want it to for me to be happy. All i need to know is that Jesus is with me. And that's enough. Cool.

More Than I Can Bear? + Lump 4

2008-10-07T14:18:00.006+08:00

Lump's almost gone now. Just saw the doctor, and he's sending me for an ultrasound, just to be sure. But seriously, if the lump's gone down, an ultrasound won't turn up anything. think taking cell samples or blood samples might be wiser, but oh wells, he's the doctor. not me.

Interestingly, the ultrasound is scheduled on next Tuesday. If things don't go my way, then i'll actually be on Tekong on Tuesday. Lovely.

But then again, "my way" isn't the way. So, let God's way be the way, and I'll take it from there. Surely, if He is with me, what can I lack?

After my appointment at JMC earlier in the morning, I was walking the long walk into camp. It was at about noon. The sun was bright, very very warm, it was humid, and I was sweating and itching all over. My skin doesn't like heat in the least. The thought crossed my mind that, maybe, just maybe, if someone fainted while walking that long winding road into camp, they might be forced to think about letting the staff use some of the other exits from camp other than the main one. Half of me was hoping that maybe I could be that one, then I can probably escape Tekong due to heat injury. Then at that moment, this verse came to me:

1 Cor 10:13

...And God is faithful; he wil not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.

which led me to...

1 Kings 19:7-8

The angel of the Lord came back a second time and touched him and said, "Get up and eat, for the journey is too much for you." So he got up and ate and drank. Strengthened by that food, he traveled forty days and forty nights until he reached Horeb, the mountain of God.

The long walk back to office from the gate of the camp was...uncomfortable, but it was nowhere near as gruelling as Elijah's 40 days in the desert. And if God can provide for Elijah to survive for 40 days in the desert, what's a little discomfort? Just bear with it, for God has already searched my soul and He knows my strength, and He has provide that I will definitely survive what He chooses to put me through, as long as I hold on to Him.

If God will not tempt me beyond what I can bear, then that would probably mean that His intention isn't for me to fall, for Paul goes on to write that should I be tempted, He will provide a way for me to stand up under it. And should I still fall because of me being who I am, He has already provided a way out, a way of repentance and salvation, the way walked by Jesus Christ to Calvary for my forgiveness. By extension, He will not put me through tribulations more than what I can bear. He will provide, He will sustain, and in hope, I will be able to bear all that God chooses to put in my way, for He has searched my soul, and He knows me better than I know myself. If He so decides that it is what I can bear with, who am I to disagree? And if I remain faithful, His Spirit will surely be with me, and with His Spirit with me, what can I not bear?

I have lived in relative comfort all my life. No major trials, no major tribulations. Temptation, yes. Fell to them, yes. But more importantly, forgiven, redeemed, restored, and given another chance. By all accounts, I have not suffered. And sometimes, I wonder how do people living wretched lives of poverty survive? Where do they find their source of strength and hope? How can they bear with all that and live?

The human spirit is stronger than I think, and God knows. He doesn't always give us a comfortable life now, but He will provide abundantly eventually. And in the meanwhile, He never punishes, never tempts more than what we can bear, and He has already shown and given us a way out of this shit and to go to Him.

God's will will be done by God's strength. What He so ordains He will provide for. Man have a part to play, sure, but just as surely, we're not the key player. What's there to worry? Camp, business, tuition...

Tomorrow is the Medical Board Review that decides if I have to go to tekong or not. In your hands Lord. Amen.

Time

2008-10-06T16:37:00.002+08:00

Time is running out on several things at the same time. Woots. How lovely. And it is probably my own doing. Haha. Procrastination ftw.

What am I called to do? What's God's calling for me?

I think I know. And you know what, I think I only managed to find out by stepping out and trying. Yup. What've you done lately?

Receiving All, Giving All

2008-10-03T14:29:00.004+08:00

Mark 12:29-34

"The most important one, " answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

"Well said, teacher," the man replied. "You are right in saying thta God is one and there is no other but him. To love him with all your heart, with all your understanding and with all your strength, and to love your neighbour as yourself is more important than all burnt offerings and sacrifices."

When Jesus saw that he had answered wisely, he said to him, "You are not far from the kingdom of God." And from then on no one dared ask him any more questions.

How does one love God with all your heart, all your understanding, and with all your strength?

What's your heart? Passion, perhaps?

What's your understanding? To seek the truth and the word of God, to understand it, and to be filled with the goodness of God and not the vile stuff of this world?

Then what's your strength? To apply and show through physical efforts what God has done in you?

Regardless of how you look at it, God didn't leave us with much choice. We've got to love Him with our all. And as we give Him our all, He gives us His all.

Rom 8:32

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how wil he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

What are you asking God for? His wisdom, His grace, His blessings, His forgiveness, His strength, His patience and tolerance?

Matt 7:7-8

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

Who can demand our all from us save for Him who already given us His all? He who promised us our salvation, and promised to raise us up in His glory, and promised to give us His all, and gave His only Son to that end. Let He be the one to ask from us our all.

What are you prepared to give to God? What are you asking Him for?

But just another note. One does not have to give all to God before asking, for God has given before you have even asked. God is patient, God is kind, God is slow to anger, God does not condemn. Punish yes, but not condemn.

So, start asking today. If you ask in faith, it shall be given. And as you receive, I believe the love of God will prompt you to give Him your all.

Deadlines....

2008-10-02T16:34:00.002+08:00

Deadlines coming up on me. Woots.

It's interesting how inspiration goes down as panic comes in. Moral of the story: Don't Panic.

But I'll need better discipline and time management. To get my papers done. So that the others around me who're waiting for the papers can move forward too. So help me Lord.

Anyone knows any place that buys second hand DS games? There are a couple of games that I don't really play anymore. Instead of letting them rot, might as well get a couple of bucks off them.

Lump's decided to shrink, so it's kinda small now. Think by the time i get to the doctor's next week it would be invisible already. Medical Board is next wednesday too. Hope I don't have to go to tekong. but then again, by God's will, and not mine. Let His will prevail over mine, for His purposes.

Woots. Shall do a bit more of writing tonight.

lump 3

2008-10-01T12:22:00.002+08:00

Lump is getting smaller. It looks and feels smaller than yesterday, and it still doesn't itch nor hurt. It's still sitting there looking ugly though. Oh wells. Only time and maybe a good doctor will tell.

Just came back from a soccer match. Was fun. What I learnt from the game was that I tend to take too many touches on the ball and not release it quickly enough, and I AM getting fat and unfit. If I can physically hold off Zuriel, it either means that I'm stronger, or heavier. Hmmm.

Happy holidays!

Lump 2

2008-09-29T17:32:00.002+08:00

Went to the MO today about the Lump, and he said that he doesn't know what it is. It could either be a lump of fat that gathered over time, an odd insect bite, or though he didn't say it, maybe something a little more sinister. We'll see. What he did do though, was to refer me to Jurong Medical Centre. Which is near camp. Not if i have to go for BMT though. So, we'll see.

When the doctor was in doubt, he referred me to a medical centre with higher experience and expertise. When I'm in doubt, what do I do? Do I foolishly go on trying to solve problems on my own steam, or do I refer it to a higher power?

Anyways, was praying for My Lump (if i have time and mood, i'll go modify My Hump's lyrics), and I found myself praying for...3 things. First, for the lump to be nothing at all and go away on its own with no side effects. If it were bad, then for healing. But above all, for God's will to be done. Should the lump be cancerous and I have to go under the knife and not be able to talk for the rest of my life because of it, then, yea, God's will be done. Let Him do what He wants in my life for His purpose. And He's someone who empowers. So no big deal.

If the lump's nothing at all, then my mum, me, and a few others would have been worried/concerned over nothing. Which is a good thing, actually. And I would have found out that some people care about me more than I think they did. Yea. Which is good too.

Either way, if it is God's will, it will be done by God's strength and hope.

Which reminds me of something Yanshao told me (told to him by his pastor). The book of Acts is incomplete. Acts Chapter 29 is about the lives of everyone who call themselves Children of God, and how the disciples continue to give glory to the One who saves.

LUMP

2008-09-28T20:16:00.001+08:00

So, I've got this lump on my neck. Beside the adam apple thingy. Wonder what it is. Mum's been bugging me to go see a doctor. Which I will, tomorrow. Shall get the camp mo to refer me to a specialist, i think.

See how it goes. Hope it's not anything bad. Maybe it'll just go away.

Let's pray.

The Never Ending Story

2008-09-22T22:37:00.002+08:00

John 21:25

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for th books that would be written.

In the age of electronic books, that seems to be quite a boast to read about. Gigabytes upon gigabytes of disk space means thousands upon thousands of books. And even in the days of the first century AD, my guess is that there were already many many books in existence, so there should be enough storage space.

But the Bible tells us that there probably won't be enough space even in all the books of the world to contain all the good works of Jesus. Why? Jesus died early. Before the age of 40. Even before 35, probably. What did He do in His life that needed so much space to write it down?

Then it struck me. There will NEVER be enough space to write down all that Christ has done, because Christ isn't done yet. He is still working in our lives. He continues to work His miracles, He continues to heal, He continues to encourage. His work is not done yet. All the goodness that He has filled your lives with, and will continue to, generation after generation, how can there ever be enough books to detail all that Jesus has done?

You are a continuing work of Jesus!

Phi 1:6

...that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

The good work that was begun is the act of salvation that comes in the day of Christ Jesus, and until then, Jesus continues to work in us through His Spirit, encouraging us, transforming us, pushing us on to "take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Phi 3:12)

The ever-continuing story of Christ is written in our hearts, with the Spirit as the pen!

2 Cor 3:3

...written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone, but on tablets of human hearts.

You are God's continuing work on earth.

The faith that Christ continues to work in us in the Spirit gives us great strength to be the light of the world. Matt 5:16 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." With Christ working in us, surely we will be transformed inwardly by faith, through the grace of the Lord, to not just act good, but to become good, and in so doing, bring glory to God.

When you are the continuing good work of Jesus, how hard can this be? Have faith, press on.

Not By Works

2008-09-22T16:41:00.004+08:00

God's righteousness has been described in many different ways. Through the Law of the Old Testament, through the plumb line in the Book of Amos, through the judgements in the other prophets, and, in the New Testament, through faith. Only through faith can we attain the righteousness that God destined us to have from the beginning of days, and this faith is the faith that we place in the Holy Trinity, made accessible to us by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

How was this shift in focus articulated?

Matt 5:17

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets; I have not come to abolish them but to fulfill them."

The Law remains, but the method through which the Law is fulfilled is through Christ, and not through our understanding of the Law or of works. As Christ goes on to explain,

Matt 5:20

For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven."

If you're a teacher of the law and a Jew, chances of you knowing the Law well are pretty high, no? Chances of you trying to achieve the standard set by the Law will be high, no? Yet, this knowledge and works to achieve the righteousness of God is clearly being described as being insufficient! You have got to be more righteous than just knowing and working out the law! There is a greater benchmark!

Another instance when Christ explains that works alone are not enough can be found in Matt 7:22-23

"Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform any miracles?' Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'"

Doing good things in the name of the Lord is not sufficient! It is not enough for us to be "known" by Jesus, to be considered one of Him, one of those who will inherit his inheritance.

So, from the early part of the Gospel of Matthew, it becomes clear that it is insufficient to attempt to attain righteousness by works and head knowledge of the Law alone. So by what are we to attain the righteousness? Through Jesus is the Law fulfilled and righteousness met. Through faith in our Lord. Let the followers of the Son of God receive the glory that was predestined for them before the beginning of days.

Water-Walking

2008-09-21T18:52:00.003+08:00

Been reading a book recently, If you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat, by John Ortberg. I actually got this book about 2 years ago, but I never got down to reading it. Only recently have I committed myself to reading it seriously, and, I have to say, God's timing is perfect.

Matt 14:25-31

During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."

"Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came towards Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

What God calls you to do will be difficult. Unimaginable even. But what He calls, He also provides for. And when He calls, there is a decision to be made.

Yes? Or no?

Did you fear that the Lord will not be able to hold you up upon the waves? Did you fear that you would drown? Did you doubt if the Lord will be able to save you?

If yes, you answered yes to God's call, perhaps you eventually failed, like Peter. He succeeded for a while, walked a couple of steps on water, but eventually, he fell through the surface because he saw the wind and was afraid. But nonetheless, Peter walked on water, even if it was only for a few steps. What God calls, regardless of how immensely difficult it will be, will be the journey of a lifetime. It will be a journey of the greatest joy and love. When Jesus says "Come", don't stop to ask "How?", or "Why?". You could be missing out on the greatest walk you'll ever embark on. And only when you take that first step out of the boat to stand on the water, will you truly know how powerful God is. When people see you standing, and walking on water, then will they know how powerful your God is. Giving glory to God involves doing things with God's strength in us.

Conversely, had you said "No, Lord, I rather stay here where it's safer.", how foolish that sounds? You think you know where is the safer place? The safest place is the one that God calls us to! That's where the most growth happens, that's where the most joy is to be found, because God is with you. And if you choose to stay in the boat, will you ever be able to tell what walking on water feels like? Or are you only able to say, "You know, there is this friend of mine who juggle 5 projects at work, find time to play with his 2 kids, mentors and guides the youth, is very active in ministry, and is a great servant of God. How I wish I could be like him! Where does he get his energy from?"

God will, at one point in our lives, call us to do something beyond the ordinary for Him. Will you say yes?

Grace Enough

2008-09-17T21:23:00.003+08:00

Matt 6:19-21

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and whee thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

In light of the recent financial crisis, what struck me was, why the panic? Then the obvious answer came to me: Because we humans value money too much, we value money beyond what it's really valued at by God.

Matt 6:31-33

"So do not worry, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

I trust that, despite the potential apocalyptic consequences this credit crunch and financial crisis will have, God will provide for what we need, perhaps not in the form that we recognize (money and security in money), but God will provide.

John 6:35

Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

John 4:14

"...but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will come in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life."

This doesn't seem to make sense in this world. But it is precisely for making it hard to understand that Jesus spoke in this manner.

Luke 10:21

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure."

The bread of life and the living water are things of the spirit, not to be understood by human and worldly wisdom, but only by the witness of the Holy Spirit, the Counsellor that Jesus sends to us in His place to teach us all truth. Therefore, abide in the Spirit, that it may teach us all truth, and reveal to us that the greatest treasure of all does not lie in bank accounts and credit statements.

2 Cor 12:9

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."...

Grace, by faith is sufficient. God will provide.

"This Is Our God"

Your grace is enough
More than I need
At your word I will believe
I wait for you
Draw near again
And your spirit make me new
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Your presence in me
Jesus light the way
By the power of your word
I am restored
I am redeemed
By your spirit i am free
And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever our God is glorified
Servant and king
Rescued the world
This is our God

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

And i will fall at your feet
I will fall at your feet
And i will worship you here

Freely you gave it all for us
Surrendered your life upon that cross
Great is your love
Poured out for all
This is our God

Lifted on high from death to life
Forever out God is glorified
Sovereign king
Rescued the world
This is our God

"You Are My All In All"

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising up again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I get dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Hitting the road

2008-09-15T20:03:00.003+08:00

Left it is for me. Just started on the road, and the road is tough as promised. But the guy's stories and jokes makes the ride worth it.

Which way are you going?

Matt 7:13-14

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is hte road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

What's your choice? Jesus calls you to take the tougher road, and He promises to be with you every step of the way. Matt 28:20 "...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

Let's go.

Left, please

2008-09-14T19:16:00.002+08:00

A guy comes along. He's got a nice warm smile, a pretty high nose, skin tanned by the sun, looks pretty lean. He knocks on your car window. You wind the window down. The guy tells you that he would like you to give him a ride along the left road. He says that he's seen the destinations of both the paths, and he wants you to give him to the nicer destination, via the darker, harder, tougher road. He promises that he'll be great company along the way.

Now what?

Left or Right

2008-09-12T20:30:00.003+08:00

You're on a highway. No idea where you are. Highway splits into 2 paths. No idea where both paths lead to. One path's broader than the other. Broader path is bright, the road looks smooth and well-travelled. Narrower path is darker, with trees blocking out the light. There are street lamps along the way, sure. But the road looks kinda bumpy too.

Which path do you pick?

On the prophets

2008-09-11T23:11:00.003+08:00

As part of my very long bible study course, we've got to read through most of the bible, from the OT to the NT, and the study is done thematically, meaning that we study the various books according to a theme, and may sometimes study several verses from several books, all in one day's readings.

For the current week, the theme is "Warning", and the material for the week includes Elijah's story in Kings, Amos, parts of Isaiah, and a bit of Jeremiah. Not very...encouraging readings. Lots of warnings, promises of destruction, of chaos, of loss... Not a very optimistic future predicted for the Jewish people. And if one were to read beyond the stipulated readings, one will find that the promised chaos and destruction does happen. Israel was delivered to her enemies, and the people were exiled beyond their lands.

But I sense God telling me that despite all the chaos, there is hope. As Isaiah goes on to promise the "servant" from God who will be Man's deliverer (Isa 52:13-53:12), so Jesus came, as God's chosen sacrifice for man. And in Luke 24:13-32, the book of Luke tells us of 2 men whose eyes and spirit were opened by Jesus who appeared to them after His rising from the dead.

In Luke 24:27, the book says that "And beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning himself."

From Moses to all the Prophets. The entire Old Testament. All the Scriptures. Concerning Jesus our Lord.

What this speaks to me is that, despite all the destruction and desolation in the OT, we should rejoice, for all the sin and chaos and punishment is all part of God's plans, and it is all part of the GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER: the story of God's redemption of all Mankind, thereby completing the work of love He started with the Creation.

So, have faith. Rom 5:20-21 ...But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

In the history of Israel, sin blots the history books. But in the increase of sin, came the increase in suffering, and as the sins piled up, so did the grace of God grew. For it takes but a small bit of grace to forgive a small theft, but to forgive sin piled and stacked upon sin, how great is that grace!

Isaiah 53:4-6

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was perced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.

And continued in verses 10-11

Yet it was the Lord's will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the Lord makes his life a guilt offering, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand. After the suffering of his soul, he will see the light of life and be satisfied; by his knowledge my righteous servant will justify many, and he will bear their iniquities.

The word of the prophets is one of warning, one of fear, one of condemnation, yet at the same time, one of hope. And that hope lies in the coming of the servant of the Lord. And thus the Old Testament and the New Testament tells of a continuing story of love and grace, started and completed, in our Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of Man, Son of God.

So bear with the tragedy described in the books of the OT. It's all part of the plan.

Have faith.

Words From the Heart

2008-09-10T23:09:00.003+08:00

2 Cor 3:3

You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink, but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

The reward of an evangelical ministry is not in letters of recommendation, not in monetary returns, not in obviously tangible KPIs, not in Cost-Benefit-Analysis. This verse teaches us that the only "reward" or "letter of commendation" from our sharing comes in the growth of the ministry. In this verse, Paul addresses the church of Corinth, saying that the growth of the Corinths in Christ is their reward for their relentless ministerial work. This letter of commendation is written not with ink that fades, not on paper that corrodes, not on stones that crumble. But it is written with the Spirit of the living God, which lives in us forever, as long as we hold on to the faith, written on the human heart, that it will always be etched deep in us. The reward of the evangelist is to see the community grow and live the Way because of the work of the Holy Spirit in the evangelist.

How does one then, go about evangelising, to reap the harvest and reward of evangelism? No hard and fast rule. No step 1 to step 10. No Dummies' Guide.

1 Cor 1:17

For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel - not with words of human wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.

How NOT to evangelise? Speaking from human wisdom and human reasoning denies the power of the cross of Christ.

1 Cor 2:7

No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.

1 Cor 2:9

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" - but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

So, we are to speak of a wisdom that comes from God, revealed to us by His Spirit. And how do we get this Spirit? How did we get it?

John 14:16-17

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever - the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.

So, speak boldly, from the Spirit, of God's great redeeming act - the salvation of Mankind. For us who claim and accept the sacrifice of the blood of Jesus, this is the promise of the Spirit. The Spirit that guides. The world may not understand all this talk of the Spirit, but those who hear and listen, will know.

Let us first be a letter from Christ, written in the Spirit first, then writers in the Spirit second.
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Business!

Starting a business!!

Woots!!!

Who?

2008-09-07T20:53:00.003+08:00

Who're you? Who am I?

You proud of who you are?

Bold enough to let people know?

What then?

Edit:

You Are the King

You are natural leader. You like to rule, and people like to be ruled by you.

You handle responsibility well. You enjoy providing for those who are loyal to you.

You master anything you try, and you refuse to accept failure as an option.

You're especially good at developing strategies and delegating tasks.

You are a total perfectionist. Your standards are hard to live up to.

However, you are also very generous ... at least to those in your inner circle.

What Role Do You Play?

Like, riiiiggghhht. Haha.

Gift

2008-09-04T22:36:00.005+08:00

1 Cor 12:7

Now to each one the manisfestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.

What's this common good?

1 Cor 12:4-6

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but the same God works all of them in all men.

Matt 28:19

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit

I thank God for the gifts that He has given to me, that I am able to share about His grace and mercy. Indeed, I delight in having the chance to share about His grace and mercy. And lest I get proud, or get deluded that I'm sharing by my own strength and wisdom, I will give thanks and praise you Lord. I am nothing more than just a little boy. But a little boy in your presence with your gifts will do great things for your kingdom, through faith and grace. Grace that was given freely that we may enter your courts, and faith that grants us the Holy Spirit and the promise of eternal life. With the gifts that the Holy Spirit should minister to me, so I will use it for God's glory. Let none of me and all of You be in the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart.

Matt 19:14

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

Let us all be little children. Innocent, pure, faithful, small.

And let my prayer be for all saints. Phi 6:24 Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love. Amen.

Loci

2008-08-31T23:27:00.004+08:00

Too much hurt, too little joy.
Too little tapping into the source of joy.

I cannot do everything alone. I cannot do everything by myself. I cannot reach out to all that I want to reach out to. I cannot share with all that I want to share with. Not if they wall themselves in.

What I can do is to become a living testimony. What I can do is to always be ready to listen, to share.

So help me Lord.
****************************************************

On another note, after storming to the lead in the fantasy soccer church mini-league after 2 weeks, i find myself totally bombing in week 3 of the season. blackburn conceding 3, chelsea not keeping a clean sheet, deco and boswinga both getting yellow carded, elano not playing, santa cruz injured, choosing palacios over valencia. Ah dang. Haha. It's ok. The season is long.

Edit: Torres just came off injured as well. Just my luck.

The little boy at the feet of the throne

2008-08-31T16:09:00.004+08:00

There was this little boy, of about 3 years old, or maybe about 300. No one really knew. But he did look like he was only 3. He looked like any 3 year old would. Not too much hair, kinda short, innocent sweet smile, a slightly higher pitched voice, lots of energy. Your typical little boy in appearance. He lived in this palace of sorts. He wasn't very sure himself. What he was sure of though, was that in this palace, there was a throne room, and in the throne room, there was a throne, and a carpet that led up to it. The throne was gold, as was the person sitting on it. And the person sitting on it was huge, as was the throne. Now, the person and the throne weren't huge because the boy was small. The person and throne were huge because they were really huge. the boy of 3 was barely as tall as the person's toe. And the little boy lived in this throne room, in his spot beside the little toe of the left foot of the King. Everyday, after playing in the grounds, or after running his little errands, he would return to the spot beside the toe of the King, and there, he was happy, he was contented.

The little boy sometimes helped the people he met with some of the little things that they were doing and the boy could help in. Being just a little boy, he couldn't help much, but somehow, he was always able to help in the little things that mattered. There was once when he saw a gardener pruning a tree, and he was having difficulty balancing his ladder because of the uneven ground. Somehow, the boy had a little brick with him, and he used it to help the gardener balance his ladder. The King had just given the little boy the brick that morning, before he went out to play. The King had a habit of giving the boy just what he needed for the day.

Sometimes, after he's gone back to the throne room, people that he helped during the day would come looking for him, to thank him. And everytime people come to thank the boy, he would smile with his innocent smile, look up to the King, look back at the people, and pointed at the King. And the people would, as if seeing the King for the first time in their lives, be surprised. They would be perplexed. For a while. Then they would, instead of thanking the boy, thank the King. At this, both the King and the boy were pleased.

At this point in time, it would be apt to describe what the King looked like, but the truth is, th little boy didn't know. He was so small, and the King so tall, that he couldn't see clearly. Even if the boy was taller, he might not have seen the King's face clearly at all, for from the King's face radiated this light that was brighter and purer than the sun, and it was so bright, the whole throne room was filled with it. The light wasn't harshly bright. It was just bright, and gloriously so, and it came from the face of the King. The glowing face of the King didn't bother the boy. He didn't think it strange that the King should be glowing. Rather, he took great pleasure in it. For he lies contented at the feet of the King each day, and the light and glory of the King fills his heart and, indeed, his life, each day.

The little boy was contented. He was contented to go out to play with the toys that the King gives him each day. He was contented to help who he could with the little tools that the King gave him each day. He was contented to return to his spot beside the little toe of the left foot of the King each day. And the little boy lives, forever more, happily ever after.

***************************************************

This vision came to me during worship today. I was praying for God to fill me with His goodness, and to break me away from the sins of my past and present. If I were to pursue Him with all His might given to me by grace, darkness will never reach me. And then He gave me this vision. That He wants me to be as innocent and pure like that boy, to be by His side, that He will equip me for whatever He sends me out to do. I thank God for this Vision. I thank God for showing me His kingdom, His glory, and that which is to come. I want to be that little boy.

And you know, that littly boy somehow looked like a picture I have of myself from about 17 years back.

Thank the Lord for revealing Himself to me, and the great encouragement that He brings to me in my walk with Him.

5 Loaves and 2 Fishes

2008-08-25T22:20:00.003+08:00

Whatever you have, give it to the one who multiplies abundantly. Once you give, don't hold back. Give all you have, regardless of how small. Given in faith, it will multiply beyond all imagination.

John 6:9-13

"here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?"
"Jesus said, "have the people sit down." There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.
When htey had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, "Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted." So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

Also wanna put in the lyrics to the song 5 loaves 2 fishes by corrine may here.

Five Loaves and Two Fishes
Corrinne May

A little boy of thirteen
was on his way to school
He heard a crowd of people laughing
and he went to take a look
Thousands were listening
to the stories of one man
He spoke with such wisdom,
even the kids could understand

The hours passed so quickly
the day turned to night
Everyone was hungry
but there was no food in sight
The boy looked in his lunchbox
at the little that he had
He wasn't sure what good it'd do
there were thousands to be fed

But he saw the twinkling eyes of Jesus
the kindness in His smile
and the boy cried out
with the trust of a child
he said:

"Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
to feed them all"

I often think about that boy
when I'm feeling small
and I worry that the work I do
means nothing at all

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small

I trust in you
I trust in you

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you will
I surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
no gift is too small

Have a blessed week ahead.

IDMC

2008-08-25T00:05:00.004+08:00

Attended the Intentional Disciple Making Conference. First ever church conference for me. Woots. It was a great experience!

Think I will agree with the point on efficacy and "a certain kind". which prompts us to action. but not just any action. efficacious action. rev edmund is not just a good pastor. he's a great leader. and coming from me, that's quite some praise. his ability to translate theory and ideology into action is applaudable. i'm thinking of going back next year.

the conversations with junnan have been enlightening. i've learnt much, as much from the conversations as from the speakers and preachers.

but at the heart of it all, i want to thank God for this chance to go for this conference. Nothing happens by chance, and i'm thankful that He arrnged things in such a way that i'm able to go for this, and to have learnt so much. Amazing. Hosanna in the highest. Praise to the Lord who saves and continues to save.

was intending to type out some of my musings and journal entry drafts, but lee bee wah has riled me up a little, so maybe next time.

My all for His highest

When silver is not enough

2008-08-24T23:59:00.004+08:00

When managing the team that won the first medal in half a century isn't enough to help you ensure a contract extension. Yes, it's crazy. Who thinks that it's a matter of problems in the top leadership in the STTA? i personally and privately suspect that supporters of the boss will be brought in to lead the team next. lackeyism, for want of a better word. but that's pure speculation, and i think i can't be sued for that right?

and to think that she's an MP in next-door amk grc. hmm. who wants to take a bet that hte contractors doing up he upgrading will be sacked the moment the project is completed, and a "friendly" company comes in to take over maintanence and be applauded for bringing great services to the people? oh. you're not supposed to take up that bet. this is just a personal musing after all.

but seriously. it is ridiculous. it's a joke. and it's a failure of leadership. either in the decision making, or in the comms efforts. and instead of covering up "to protect the good name of the organization", maybe they should just admit that a mistake is made, and move on. or maybe it's a chinese/asian mentality. "we got the cuter girl to lip-sync cos she's cuter, and er, we think that the world might like to be deceived by a cuter face lip-syncing to a nicer voice". "it's not smog, it's mist." lovely.

National Day

2008-08-09T20:59:00.004+08:00

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Thank God for this blessed island that has managed to survive big odds and little challenges. May it continue to be a safe haven, despite the lack of certain civil liberties and poliical freedoms.

Spent the day playing table tennis and soccer. Haven't played table tennis in a long whie. Slowly getting the feel back. Feels good. And soccer, running on the field is fun. Just that it gets a little tiring after a while. There's a lot of space to be covered. Oh wells. Was fun though. Now I'm kinda burnt out. Shall sleep earlier today, i think.

"You raise me up so I can stand on mountains"

Over the Rainbow

2008-07-28T23:34:00.002+08:00

Just bought Connie Talbot's album. Not sure how old the album is, but I just bought it. She's got a pretty angelic voice. Loved her rendition of You Raise Me Up. And, with her front tooth missing, she just looks so cute. Haha. No, i'm not turning paedophillic.

Meeting with sookseng was quite stressful, and there were lots of stuff left un-coordinated. Probably at least partially my fault, but oh wells. Music's too good for a little thing like a colonel to mess it up. woots.

Hope you're doing well. And you. And you. And you, who's going on to a next phse of your life. Hope you find it exciting, and fulfilling.

Boxed

2008-07-24T12:57:00.002+08:00

Box upon box upon box.
Little cardboard containers,
Not so little cardboard containers,
Not little at all cardboard containers.

Team A in Box A to E
Team B in Box F to P
Heads in Box Q to Z
In their own little boxes, away from the rest.

One team,
One vision.
Little voices in little boxes
Echo a common refrain

Part of a larger whole
Part of an integrated machine
Wavering voices in little boxes
Stake a common claim.

Team A to room 1,
Team B to room 2,
Heads to room 3,
All in one big family.

Walls erect,
Doors slammed,
Cubicles seperate,
We are one family.

Competency-Faith

2008-07-21T20:45:00.003+08:00

Eph 6:13

Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

When the day of evil comes, God does not tell us to beware the volcano, to stand against the tsunami, to fight the thugs, to hold off the riots, to push back the earthquakes, to crush the terrorists etc etc. It is not any specific form of evil. But rather, we are told to guard against evil, in general, which can come in all forms.

And to combat this very general forms of evil, He gives us gifts through the Spirit. These gifts are not area specific, such as talent in soccer, talent in doing maths, talent in fixing computers etc, for these are earthly talents, and will count for nothing when "the day of evil comes". How then, do we go about dealing with this evil that can take many forms?

1 Cor 12:7-11
Now to each one the manisfestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith bythe same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.

Some key Spiritual Gifts here: 1) Message of wisdom; 2) message of knowledge; 3)faith; 4) gifts of healing; 5) miraculous powers; 6) prophecy; 7) distinguishing between spirits; 8) speaking in tongues; 9) interpretation of tongues.

We cannot have all of these in one person. That's what a strong fellowship is for. But the key idea here is that the Spirit blesses us with these spiritual gifts, so that we will have what it takes to weather any storm, and face any evil.

This is augmented in Matt 7:24-25

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the stream rose, and the winds blew and beat agaist that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.

The wise man did not built his house on stilts in preparation for the flood. He did not just build a pointed roof in preparation for the rain. He built his house in a way that is able to withstand all kinds of calamity, and that way was: to build your house on THE ROCK (not dwayne johnson). The rock that is God, that is the Word of God, and shown to us by the Spirit and the Gifts that the Spirit blesses us with, so that we may be wise and discerning, by faith.

The application of this principle to real life is powerful. The principle is, in summary, that we should develop ourselves in Spirit, through the Spirit, and this will prepare us for all kinds of evil that may come. You grow yourself in a way that is Spiritual, something that is deep in you, that is integrative to all scenarios, all circumstance, through the Spirit. A secular translation of this would be to develop yourself in a Competency Based Model.

In the book "Black Swan" Taleb argues that in our modern world, unexpected and unpredictable events are often the ones that change the world. 911 terror attacks, meteoric rise of Facebook, Apple, Microsoft, rapid dissolution of the old USSR, and even to events that are more personal. Due to these rapid and unexpected changes, and the regularity of it, skills based training is obsolete. A man trained to work on a production line won't be very employable when the production line gets replaced by newer technology, for an anecdotal example. Specific skill training is going to get increasingly obsolete. What endures is a competency.

What's a competency?

Effective communication is a competency. Critical thinking is a competency. A competency is a set of skills that is applicable across sectors. It is something that remains relevant regardless of context. Armed with strong competencies, we will become more adaptive, and remain relevant longer in a volatile environment. Even then, competencies are evolving, with newer technology affecting the kind of Communication Skills we might need, like being able to type emails politely, for one. But generally, a competency will allow us to be more adaptive, and a little more flexible.

The bible teaches us to develop our gifts in the Spirit, that which is unchanging, that which is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We could perhaps take something out of it and make a shift towards Competency based learning.

Of course, this is not saying that skills are not important. But skills are trainable. The competency is what allows you to adapt to new environment, and to pick up new skills if necessary. But that's another train of thought for another time.

As for the title of this post, no idea what to name it, so it got a generic name, for posting's sake.

And, if you had that much free time to read the whole post up till here, thanks. Now, would you kindly move on in your life and learn something useful? Gracias.

Fast Forward the Pendulum

2008-07-17T10:11:00.003+08:00

A couple more months to ORD. Going to start a business. Going to start relief teaching. Going to wait for uni. Going to put in more drive into the alumni. Going to continue growing in my walk with God. Go go go.

How exciting. Can't wait for it all to start.

Shannon's getting better. Yay. Hope other parties are doing good too...

Self-rationalization is a scary process. It's powers of self-deception are very good.

Henson's sermon on the Mystery of Godliness was good. Intellectual.

Black Swan is a good book to read if you're interested in psychology/philosophy stuff. But it is very counter-intuitive, so will require patience to read. and an open mind. I'm finding it a very good read. So yea.

Sister's in Austria, parents going to genting for the weekend. And I'm free. Muahahaha. Ban Kai!

Break Out

2008-07-09T22:15:00.001+08:00

Sentosa in morning was good. Sitting down and doing nothing at all was good. Watched Wanted again, with nafisah this time. Not bad,despite 2nd time watching.

Just, please, God, let the emo-ness end somewhere. It's not good for anyone.

Mid-week Break

2008-07-08T23:17:00.002+08:00

Taking a day's leave for tomorrow. Shall go zen out at Sentosa. Somewhere along the beach, i guess.

woots.

Why are relationship problems so troublesome and why do people take so long to get over it? Ah, messed up thing that it is. Too bad it also happens to be one of the nicer things left about humanity, so yea, it stays i guess.

What If...

2008-07-06T00:30:00.002+08:00

...no one told you that bullets had to fly straight?

Just watched "Wanted" a while back. Much much better than Zohan. Watch it if you like action flicks, and don't mind a little blood shed. Good entertainment, albeit brainless action packed entertainment.